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Band 5

Parent should spend more time with their children helping them in their homework. Do you agree or disagree?

#parent #time #children #homework
It is said that
parents
 need to allocate more time with their
kids
 helping them to do
homework
. I totally disagree with
this
 opinion. Helping
children
 to finish their
homework
 could increase
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
children
’s
independency
Correct your spelling
independence
show examples
 and difficult to improve
problem-solving
Correct pronoun usage
their problem-solving
show examples
 ability.
Independency
Correct your spelling
Independence
show examples
 is a vital thing that should
human
Change the adjective
humanly
show examples
 have, we should not always need someone’s hand. Helping
children
 to do their
homework
 will distract them to improve their creativity,
while
 they tackle something without
parents’
Correct pronoun usage
their parents’
show examples
 help it will augment their creativity.
Confident
Replace the word
Confidence
show examples
 can be built if
children
 have
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 authority to do whatever they want to do. In Europe,
parents
 give their
kids
do it yourself
Add a hyphen
do-it-yourself
show examples
 tools to improve their
independency
Correct your spelling
independence
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can be beneficial for their creativity and confidence. There is an enormous benefit if
children
 become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independent
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, problem-solving is an essential skill that everyone should have.
Kids
 who tackle their obstacles without any help from others will sharply improve their ability to emerge from that situation.
Furthermore
, problem-solving
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 will help them
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the way they think. In China
generally
Add a comma
generally,
show examples
parents
 will put their
kids
 in difficult situations in order to press them to tackle the obstacles,
therefore
 many
children
 in China have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
grown independently and as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
adult
Add a comma
adult,
show examples
 they have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excellent
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
such
 as
creative
Replace the word
creativity
show examples
 and problem-solving. In conclusion, I extremely disagree that
parents
 should spend
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 helping their
kids
solving
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
 their
homework
.
Parents
 should leave them alone to urge them to build
independency
Correct your spelling
independence
show examples
 and essential skills which will be beneficial for them later in life.
Submitted by writing9bersama on

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task achievement
The essay effectively disagrees with the statement, presenting a clear stance. However, the argument could be strengthened by discussing varying viewpoints before stating your conclusion.
coherence & cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures and linking words to improve the flow of ideas and make transitions smoother. This will enhance coherence.
task achievement
Provide more detailed, real-life examples to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing and fulfilling the essay requirements.
coherence & cohesion
While you've introduced and concluded your essay, work on making your introduction more engaging and your conclusion more comprehensive by summarizing key points more clearly.
coherence & cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and unclear expressions, as these can distract from your argument and overall coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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