IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Parent should spend more time with their children helping them in their homework. Do you agree or disagree?

#parent #time #children #homework
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It is said that
parents
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 need to allocate more time with their
kids
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 helping them to do
homework
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. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. Helping
children
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 to finish their
homework
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 could increase
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of
children
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’s
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independency
Correct your spelling
independence
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 and difficult to improve
problem-solving
Correct pronoun usage
their problem-solving
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 ability.
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Independency
Correct your spelling
Independence
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 is a vital thing that should
human
Change the adjective
humanly
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 have, we should not always need someone’s hand. Helping
children
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 to do their
homework
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 will distract them to improve their creativity,
while
Linking Words
 they tackle something without
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parents’
Correct pronoun usage
their parents’
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 help it will augment their creativity.
Confident
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Confidence
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 can be built if
children
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 have
an
Correct article usage
the
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 authority to do whatever they want to do. In Europe,
parents
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 give their
kids
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do it yourself
Add a hyphen
do-it-yourself
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 tools to improve their
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independency
Correct your spelling
independence
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can be beneficial for their creativity and confidence. There is an enormous benefit if
children
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 become
an
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apply
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independent
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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, problem-solving is an essential skill that everyone should have.
Kids
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 who tackle their obstacles without any help from others will sharply improve their ability to emerge from that situation.
Furthermore
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, problem-solving
skill
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skills
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 will help them
on
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in
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 the way they think. In China
generally
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generally,
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parents
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 will put their
kids
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 in difficult situations in order to press them to tackle the obstacles,
therefore
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 many
children
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 in China have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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grown independently and as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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adult
Add a comma
adult,
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 they have
an
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apply
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excellent
skill
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skills
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such
Linking Words
 as
creative
Replace the word
creativity
show examples
 and problem-solving. In conclusion, I extremely disagree that
parents
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 should spend
many
Correct word choice
apply
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times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 helping their
kids
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solving
Wrong verb form
solve
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 their
homework
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.
Parents
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 should leave them alone to urge them to build
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independency
Correct your spelling
independence
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 and essential skills which will be beneficial for them later in life.
Submitted by writing9bersama on

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task achievement
The essay effectively disagrees with the statement, presenting a clear stance. However, the argument could be strengthened by discussing varying viewpoints before stating your conclusion.
coherence & cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures and linking words to improve the flow of ideas and make transitions smoother. This will enhance coherence.
task achievement
Provide more detailed, real-life examples to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing and fulfilling the essay requirements.
coherence & cohesion
While you've introduced and concluded your essay, work on making your introduction more engaging and your conclusion more comprehensive by summarizing key points more clearly.
coherence & cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and unclear expressions, as these can distract from your argument and overall coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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