many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweight the disadvantages?
Nowadays,
people
in the world tend to depend on social platforms to maintain contact with each other as well as
update information. This
writer argues that the benefits of convenience and immediateness exceed the health problems of using this
network.
The most advantageous factor of utilizing social media
is the convenience of sending a message to friends. With this
usage, users can connect with everyone all around the world, which is significantly in contrast
to the past when humans used traditional letters as a means to get in touch with others instead
of a clicking on smartphone. For instance
, people
can chat with their mates studying abroad easily through a social app such
as Messenger.
Another positive side of this
platform is that it provides a huge amount of news as fast as possible for users. In other words
, with the development of technology, especially social media
, people
in this
era can access a wide range of information in daily life immediately. Although
the news on social media
websites is quite unreliable, it still attracts numerous readers looking for due to
its immediateness which satisfies the high demand of consumers easily. Taking Facebook , for example
, not only entertains, teenagers but also
can update new information which is usually called a hot trend.
However
, unless people
utilize this
service at a suitable level, it will lead to some serious health problems, especially, issues related to the eyes. One of the negative sides of social media
is that people
must use it through smart devices, particularly mobile phones, as a result
, the blue light released from these tools is extremely damaged to users’ eyes. If they abuse this
too much.
In conclusion, social networking websites have been becoming worldwide and having
an enormous value for users Wrong verb form
have
due to
their benefits; however
, utilizers need to know how to control their time spent on this
network in order to exploit the advantages as much as possible.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
Focus on providing a more definitive stance in your introduction and conclusion. Make sure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your argument without introducing new points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay in a more logical structure. Consider using clear paragraphs for introduction, each argument, and conclusion. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. Rather than general statements, use detailed instances or studies to illustrate the points being made.
coherence cohesion
Check for and correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This will improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?