IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

ou found a job opportunity in a foreign country. Write a letter to your friend who knows about the country. In your letter mention the following: What is the nature of your future job Why did you apply for that job Ask for details and his/her advice about the country.

#ou #job #opportunity #country #friend #nature #future #advice
Dear Paul, How are you doing? I hope life is far better in
Canada
. I would like to give you some amazing news, I found a job in Toronto as a Software Engineer. I will be there with you before the end of
this
 month. I have a few questions before I travel to
Canada
. My company name is Softech located in Downtown, Toronto. I joined them as a senior engineer and will be following a hybrid structure. I will be working remotely for three days and rest I have to go on-site. In India, I was working in a junior position and was not getting compensated enough. I got an opportunity with a good handsome package and perks, so I couldn’t resist my self. Cherry on the cake, we’ll be rocking in
Canada
. My concern before I travel is whether is it worth relocating to
Canada
. I mean how’s life over there and the living cost?
Additionally
, the work-life balance is neutral in
Canada
 or almost similar to India. Call back once you are free and we’ll have a detailed conversation on the phone. Yours Lovingly, Dhruvil
Submitted by rushsoni1998 on

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coherence cohesion
The letter is generally well-structured, but you can improve coherence by ensuring that each paragraph has a single, clear focus. Try to expand on each idea fully before moving to the next.
task achievement
Your task response is mostly complete, but it would be better to specifically ask for advice about the country, rather than broad questions about worthiness and comparisons to life in India. Make sure your queries are clear and direct.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence, use connecting words and phrases to link ideas and paragraphs together, which will help your letter flow more logically.
task achievement
While the tone of your letter is suitable and friendly, ensure you maintain a balance between informal conversational language and the formal writing expected in a job-related context.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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