Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #phones #school

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Parents around the world have controversial ideas when it comes to allowing their children to

use

Use synonyms

mobiles on weekdays. Some argue that it should be prohibited during school days

while

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others do not mind using it.

This

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essay will explore both sides of the argument, give clear examples and state why there is an alternative

advantages

Change the noun form

advantage

show examples

to using mobiles.

To begin

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with, the main reason to prevent is the cause of distractions. unmature people spend overtime on phones which results in less focus on class, poor learning and eventually leading to bad performance. The distractions that

occurs

Change the verb form

occur

show examples

include,

gamming

Correct your spelling

gaming

show examples

, watching YouTube, snapping, TikTok and several others.

For example

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: recent news indicated that all these social media have been

proved

Correct your spelling

proven

show examples

to decrease the performance of

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

as well as

Linking Words

mature adults.

This

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is a major issue.

Furthermore

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, we can not deny that these technologies

however

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have positive effects

such

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

gaining more knowledge. Intelligent students

use

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

as a beneficial way and spend their break times improving their level of knowledge, various ways to do

this

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is to

use

Use synonyms

free websites and free channels with high-quality education backgrounds.

For instance

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, several teaching places, give

Correct your spelling

assessments

assiegments

Correct your spelling

assignments

via

Change preposition

apply

show examples

online and even extra lectures in order to make the

the

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

child busy

with

Change preposition

show examples

thier

Correct your spelling

their

free

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

To conclude

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, I support that the

use

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

phone should be allowed in condition to monitoring regarding the time spent and what is used for. there is a debate around the world about using mobile phones in children

Change preposition

apply

show examples

school days that it brings more distraction and others say can elevate

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

knowledge.

However

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, we should focus on using the phone and at the same time not allowing the negative effect.

Submitted by Abdulrahimmohamudali on Sat Mar 09 2024

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coherence cohesion

Focus on developing a clear logical structure. While your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion, the flow between ideas can be improved. Try to use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your points.

coherence cohesion

Ensure your introduction and conclusion are both strong. Your introduction sets the stage but could be more concise and clear in stating the essay's direction. Your conclusion does well in summarizing your stance but can be strengthened by reinforcing the key arguments made.

coherence cohesion

Support your main points with more specific examples or evidence. While you provide some examples, elaborating on them or adding more detailed scenarios could bolster your argument and make your essay more convincing.

task achievement

Ensure your essay fully responds to all parts of the task. You've provided a balanced discussion, but further elaboration on your own opinion with supporting reasons would enhance your task achievement.

task achievement

Strive for clearer and more comprehensive explanations of your ideas. Some parts of your essay may benefit from more detailed explanations or a clearer expression of your thoughts. Simplify complex sentences and clarify your points to increase understanding.

task achievement

Use relevant and specific examples to back up your arguments. The inclusion of more diverse and detailed examples could make your case stronger and more persuasive. Consider drawing from a wider range of sources or hypothetical scenarios.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Distraction
Cyberbullying
Concentration
Emergency communication
Digital literacy
Educational resources
Social development
Self-regulation
Enforcement
Socioeconomic status
Technology access
Learning apps
Screen time
Peer interaction
School policy

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Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

It is believed that students at schools and universities can learn better via technology rather than with teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, there are a lot of students who commit suicide each year. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?

As global trade increase, many goods including those we use in daily basis are produced in another country and have to be transport long distance. Do benefit of this trend outweigh disadvantages?