IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
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Some say that not reacting to an unsatisfactory situation is better because it is what
universe
Correct article usage
the universe
show examples
 wants,
while
Linking Words
 others say improving them is a better thing to do because
with
Add the comma(s)
, with
show examples
 the power of free will, we can shape our lives into
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 form we want. I agree with the latter point because settling down to
things
Use synonyms
 we receive prevents the
life
Use synonyms
 we might have created with
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
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 we have. On the one hand, an idea says it is best to accept and get over the unpleasant
things
Use synonyms
 we experience because destiny itself
shape
Correct subject-verb agreement
shapes
show examples
 our
conditions
Use synonyms
, not our actions. Reacting in a receiving way to
things
Use synonyms
 we experience may
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 us feel better about the situation because it allows us to believe there is a higher reason behind those happenings and
therefore
Linking Words
 we can cope with the unpleasant
conditions
Use synonyms
 that happen to us. Believing in any type of god creates a more forgiving and open
additude
Correct your spelling
attitude
 towards the bad events we experience. A destiny believer is more likely to not seek the better
conditions
Use synonyms
 others have and
as a result
Linking Words
 of that, jealousy and all the negative feelings can be passed without experiencing them.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I believe humans have their own will and our lives are not only consist of the
things
Use synonyms
 which happen to us.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some argue making better versions of the
conditions
Use synonyms
 we have on hand is preferable to accepting them and moving on because we have the power to decide on
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our own
conditions
Use synonyms
. Everyone might have a money shortage or a workplace with bad
conditions
Use synonyms
 in their lives,
however
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the day, creating better
conditions
Use synonyms
 for ourselves is in our own hands and if we ignore
this
Linking Words
 opportunity
of shaping
Change preposition
to shape
show examples
 our future, we might lose various better scenarios we might have had. I believe fighting and trying to improve the situations we have to face is what makes us free individuals and I believe only free ones achieve
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
great levels in
life
Use synonyms
. Take Frida Kahlo,
for instance
Linking Words
, she had a major accident and she had the chance to do nothing but
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
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 how terrible her
life
Use synonyms
 went,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 that accident did not stop her
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 creating masterpieces that we all know today.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 only receiving the
conditions
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 gives us may
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 with the overcoming, I believe because of the free will we all have, fighting for a better outcome makes us accomplish the
things
Use synonyms
 we want.
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task achievement
Expand on examples and make them more detailed to strengthen your argument. Using specific, vivid examples can serve to effectively illustrate your points and make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the introduction and conclusion to more clearly outline your stance and summarize your main points. This helps in emphasizing your argument's strength and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions between paragraphs and sentences to ensure smoother flow. Effective use of linking words and phrases can significantly improve readability and cohesion of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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