Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

These days, some
people
recognize that it is
efficient
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an efficient
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way to make
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
if we want to make
people
buy things.
Other
Change the wording
Another
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argument is that
people
usually don’t care about
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
anymore. In
this
essay, I will discuss both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views and
tell
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give
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my opinion. These days there are a lot of digital
advertisements
around the world, and I think it is extremely successful
,
Remove the comma
apply
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because most
people
see them
in
Change preposition
on
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their smartphones
while
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
using
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For example
, when we use Instagram, there are many
advertisements
about clothes, shoes and so on, even
they
Correct word choice
if they
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are other countries’ merchandise. I believe it is useful way because it
takes
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does
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not too much cost, and
great
Add an article
a great
the great
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amount of
people
who use Instagram will see them.
And there
Correct word choice
There
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is some research that about 20% of
people
who
meet
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read
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a certain
advertisement
tend to buy the thing.
On the other hand
, paper
advertisements
have been useless already.
For instance
, broacher in the newspaper was one of the most useful ways to advertise in the past, but newspaper readers are decreasing nowadays, especially among young
people
. the
advertisements
in trains
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
also
have
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apply
show examples
been meaningless.
People
always use their smartphones,
then
they might not look at
advertisements
carefully. In conclusion, digital
advertisements
can influence
for
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apply
show examples
people
, but paper
advertisements
have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
effects today.
Thus
, I believe it is important for companies and organizations to create
advertisements
that meet
people
’s lifestyles. If they do
this
,
advertisement
Add an article
the advertisement
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itself
is
Verb problem
will
show examples
still have a great impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
and they will purchase more.
Submitted by mayu1022.p on

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Introduction Improvement
Develop your introduction by rephrasing the essay question more effectively and providing a brief outline of your argument. This will make your introduction more engaging and clear for the reader.
Logical Structure
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by organizing your paragraphs more clearly. Start with a topic sentence in each paragraph to introduce the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow of your essay. This includes connectors for adding information, contrasting ideas, or showing cause and effect.
Task Response
Deepen the analysis in your body paragraphs by discussing both views thoroughly before presenting your own opinion. Ensure that each view is explored with equal depth and supported by relevant examples or data.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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