More and more people want to own famous brands of cars, clothes and other items. What are the reason for this. Is this a positive or negative trend?
More and more
people
want to own popular brands
of cars, clothes and other items. I think this
is a negative trend that peoples
tend to lead to a Fix the agreement mistake
people
hedonism
habit when they are spending their Replace the word
hedonistic
money
just to fulfil their lifestyles and at the same time believe it will increase their social value in their circle. However
, they are lacking of
the important part of Remove the preposition
apply
money
mangement
which is Correct your spelling
management
investment
for future needs.
Car Add an article
an investment
for example
, the
famous Correct article usage
apply
brands
usually
very expensive compared to low-medium Add a missing verb
are usually
brands
because it
Correct pronoun usage
they
provides
many benefits and features to Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
its
customers, Correct pronoun usage
their
for example
, the famous Mercedes Benz car's
Correct your spelling
car is
brand equips
with Wrong verb form
equipped
the
Correct article usage
a
powerfull
engine but with Correct your spelling
powerful
the
elegant design, it's not only the performance of the car is really good but Correct article usage
an
also
having it will increase confidence while
driving. People
believe if they can afford to own Mercedes Benz, they feel proud of themselves because friends and colleagues will assume they are a successfull
person in both career and business.
Correct your spelling
successful
Nevertheless
, this
essay argues that this
trends
is negativeChange the determiner
trend
,
because if Remove the comma
apply
people
buy the
famous Correct article usage
apply
brands
just because they want to show off to their social circle, they tend to not accurately measuring
the negative impact Wrong verb form
measure
for
their Change preposition
on
money
management flow. For example
, the employee who paid
$320 a month Wrong verb form
pays
wants
to buy a brand new iPhone 13 with Correct word choice
and wants
price
Correct article usage
a price
$
599 Change preposition
of $
Correct word choice
and dare
dare
to apply the installment plan just because Correct subject-verb agreement
dares
if
having it she/he can show off to their friends, though their salary is actually cannot afford it.
In conclusion, Correct word choice
apply
the
famous Correct article usage
apply
brands
have its
power to pull more and more Change the word
the
people
to own it
, Correct pronoun usage
them
it's
not only the product Verb problem
apply
provides
many benefits and features, but Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
also
it will increase people
's social score if having those brands
. But this
essay believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
this
trend is negative due to
most peoples
are blind about their financial/Fix the agreement mistake
people
money
managment
, and they do not actually understand Correct your spelling
management
of
how to prioritize their Change preposition
apply
money
between their future needs and lifestyles.Submitted by anggamaikifrandika on
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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure to address both parts of the question more comprehensively. The essay somewhat covers the reasons behind people's desire for famous brands and addresses whether this trend is positive or negative. However, a more balanced and thorough exploration of both aspects will enhance the score. Break down the reasons and consequences into clear, distinct paragraphs and explore multiple viewpoints to fully meet the task requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance Coherence and Cohesion by organizing your ideas more effectively. While your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion, the flow between ideas can be improved. Use a wider range of linking devices to connect ideas and paragraphs seamlessly. Additionally, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by examples or further explanation to make the structure more logical.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a better Coherence and Cohesion score, consider the variability of sentence structures and the accuracy of linking words. Some sentences are overly long and complex, making the essay difficult to follow. By breaking down complex ideas into shorter, clearer sentences, and using a variety of linking words accurately, your essay will be easier to read and more coherent.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.