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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

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The advancements in
technology
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 have totally changed the way of interaction. Even though oftentimes people do not meet with each other in person and seem to share only their achievements,
technology
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 has positive impacts on human connections providing ease of connectivity which is a fruitful development. Mostly people virtually connect with each other and post their success on numerous digital
media
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 platforms. Facebook being the
poplular
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popular
 social
media
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 platform where netizens can see lots of posts full of glamour and luxury
have
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has
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repercussion
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repercussions
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 on its users as they feel that they are deprived of so many things in their lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, almost all celebrities have a presence on social
media
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 platforms where they have a huge fan following and share their thoughts on a daily basis. It is found that all those who continuously follow the stars have been going through anxiety.
Thus
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, social
media
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 sometimes promotes mundane activities.
However
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, despite having
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 drawbacks, these instant messaging applications have contributed a lot to the community. People can connect with friends and family with a great convenience which
otherwise
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 is not possible.
Moreover
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, it has
shorten
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shortened
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 the communication gap in the workforce so the workplaces are getting full advantages of it.
For instance
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, overseas residents can interact with their loved ones through a variety of voice and video platforms where they not only converse with each other but
also
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 express their feelings.
Thus
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,
technology
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 is highly inevitable for connectivity in society. In conclusion,
although
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technology
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 has diminished
the
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apply
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face-to-face meetings and promoted unrealistic things, humans have been experiencing a great sense of connectivity.
According to
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 me,
this
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 is a positive development.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear overview of the topics you will discuss, and your conclusion succinctly summarizes your key points without introducing new information. This will strengthen the clarity and cohesion of your essay.
Organization & Linking
Work on presenting your ideas in a more organized manner. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Cohesion can also be improved by using a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your sentences and paragraphs.
Task Response
While you have addressed the task, a deeper exploration and analysis of how technology impacts relationships would strengthen your essay. Try to give more detailed examples to support your arguments, and consider both sides of the argument to provide a more balanced view.
Specific Examples
Provide more specific, detailed examples to support your points. These examples should closely relate to the question and clearly demonstrate how technology affects relationships. The more relevant and detailed your examples are, the more persuasive your essay will be.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • interact
  • relationships
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • online
  • face-to-face
  • friendships
  • romantic relationships
  • family dynamics
  • positive
  • negative
  • development
  • effects
  • formation
  • ease
  • impacts
  • communities
  • connect
  • interaction
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