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Band 4

Some people think that doctors and professors, must be required to work in the area where they did their education. Others believe they can have opportunities to work in any place if they want. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #doctors #professors #work #area #education #opportunities #place
Some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
people
 are debating about which is the most suitable
place
 for those who are working as a professional job. Some of them agree on working in a
freedom
Replace the word
free
show examples
 area, and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the opposite way is to
work
 in the
place
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 the professor graduated. The essay will demonstrate
both
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 sides of the two different places. First of all, having a
job's
Change noun form
job
show examples
place
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
where
people
 are
fimiliar
Correct your spelling
familiar
 with
also
 beneficial. The environment and atmosphere will be more friendly because
people
 feel
like
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home
such
 as
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 restaurants, working rooms, and friends.
Furthermore
,
liveing
Correct your spelling
living
 in the same
place
 might lead
people
 to
work
 better, because they are happy with the old space.
For instance
, the kid growing up in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
place
 that
Add a missing verb
is surounded
show examples
surounded
Correct your spelling
surrounded
 by poor
people
, he is dreaming
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
 a higher education by studying in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 small school in their
villege
Correct your spelling
village
. One day he
got
Verb problem
was
show examples
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
, and now he is positioned as a doctor, he
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the best doctor in
town
Correct article usage
the town
show examples
 where he used to live and
help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 with health
checking
Fix the agreement mistake
checks
show examples
 for poor
people
 around his hometown.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
, the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 working in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 familiar
place
, there are a lot of advantages of working in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 random or their
wish's
Change noun form
wish
show examples
place
this
 is because
people
aroud
Correct your spelling
around
 the country including the poor's
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 will be able to have the same standard of life quality as
people
 who live in the city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
place
.
For example
, there are not enough
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who live on the mountain which is far away.
This
 is why all of the smart
people
 who are positioned as a professional have to randomly themself for the new environment of
work
. I totally agree with the reason that smart
people
 should be able to decide where they
wath
Correct your spelling
want
 to
work
. The real heart of the professors always wants to help
people
 from every side of the country. They should have a chance to decide where they want to go.
Submitted by piasnatcha09 on

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Introduction Clarity
Be clear with your introduction: state the topic directly and present a clear thesis statement that addresses the prompt.
Paragraph Structure
Organize your essay effectively: Use clear paragraphing with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
Use of Examples
Provide specific and relevant examples to support your points. This makes your argument more convincing.
Conclusion Clarity
Ensure your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your views and restates your thesis in a fresh way.
Task Response
Focus on directly addressing the essay prompt. Make sure to discuss both views and provide your own opinion clearly.
Cohesion and Coherence
Improve coherence by using transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs to connect ideas smoothly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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