IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that the government should allocate more funding to the arts, such as music, painting, and theatre. Others argue that this money should be spent on more essential sectors like healthcare, education, and infrastructure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #arts #music #theatre #money #sectors #healthcare #education #infrastructure
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It is true in the present era, more and more individuals agree that the country collects
money
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 for the
arts
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 and sports. Whilst, others say there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
crucial aspects to spend
money
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 on like healthcare and
education
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. In the following essay, we will explore to discuss both arguments, and I will mention my viewpoints and support them. On the one hand, it is obviously society's interest in
arts
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 nowadays. To illustrate more,
people
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 tend to
this
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 trend of
arts
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 ,
for example
Linking Words
, music, painting and sport . A clear example, is
arts
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 play a vital role in life's adults to expand their awareness toward sports. In fact, the government in Oman has spent a lot of
money
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 to boost football teams , especially in the
last
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 ten years. In
this
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 situation, the communities create success in several fields.
On the other hand
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, many public
people
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 are in favour of spending
money
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 on
education
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 and treatment. In
this
Linking Words
 site, they thought the main way to improve and develop the city.
In addition
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, young
people
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 need support to accomplish skills in
education
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. To demonstrate, I remember a study published at the University of Nizwa in 2016 shows " the
money
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 which costs in
education
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 and healthcare is better for citizens rather than spend on
arts
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". In conclusion, I am convinced both arguments and all aspects should be of interest to the government.
However
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, the government is thankful for its services in a variety of fields.
Therefore
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,
people
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 have the opportunity to develop and acquire cognitive and emotional skills.
Submitted by lailakhalil3 on

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task response
Work on expanding the examples and explanations to further develop your main points. Adding more detailed examples can strengthen your argument.
task response
Ensure a more balanced discussion of both views. Each perspective should be addressed with equal depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas to ensure a more seamless flow of concepts and arguments throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Rephrase sentences for clarity and to avoid any potential confusion, especially where complex ideas are discussed.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the context and summarizing the discussion effectively.
task response
Both viewpoints are addressed, showing your understanding of different perspectives on this topic.
task response
There is an attempt to provide examples, which helps in illustrating your points.
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