IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn about other cultures of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films, and the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

#travel #places #cultures #people #books #films #internet
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often said that travelling is no longer essential to learn about other nations'
cultures
 and
traditions
,
instead
,
people
 can learn about
this
 from reading
books
, watching movies, and browsing the
internet
. In my opinion, reading
books
 and watching documentary movies on the
Internet
 can teach
people
 about other
cultures
 and
traditions
. On the one hand,
people
 can learn about different
cultures
 by reading
books
 that describe other nations'
cultures
, some folks who travel to other countries write
books
 about their experience in detail. to explain more, they write about everything related to that country, and
books
 like
this
 can educate
people
 about different cultural activities and customs.
For instance
, the book written by an American writer " Around the World in 80 Days" describes the journey of the writer to different countries with many details about
people
's
lives
 who meet during his travelling, which helps
people
 to imagine their real
lives
.
Furthermore
, not only
books
 can teach
people
 about other nation's culture. Browsing the
internet
 can
also
 be very helpful in learning more about any country. It is easy now to type any kind of information and find it on the
internet
,
people
 can read about the information in an article or watch a video that gives specific information.
For example
, YouTube has millions of videos of influencers who travelled to other countries, which took
people
 on a virtual tour to find out more about others' ethics and ordinary
lives
.
However
, Travelling is still necessary to interact with
people
 from different backgrounds and to live with them in order to learn more about their real
lives
. In conclusion, I strongly agree that reading
books
 and searching the
internet
 can teach
people
 about others'
cultures
 and
traditions
. Yet, travelling is important to sens the real
lives
 of different civilizations.
People
 should use both ways to learn more about different
cultures
 and
traditions
.
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have provided a clear opinion and maintained it throughout the essay. However, ensure all arguments are equally strong. You can deepen your analysis and ensure a more balanced discussion by directly weighing the pros and cons.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure fluid transitions between paragraphs to enhance readability. While the essay is generally coherent, improving paragraph linking can elevate the cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
Strong introduction and conclusion, giving the essay a well-rounded feel.
supported main points
Good use of relevant examples to substantiate your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Authentic experiences
  • Cultural immersion
  • Sensory learning
  • Cost-effective
  • Language barriers
  • Interpersonal interactions
  • Balanced approach
  • Virtual tours
  • Lived experiences
  • Credibility of sources
  • Misconceptions
  • Multicultural competency
  • Stimulate curiosity
  • Digital platforms
  • Stereotypes
  • Environmentally sustainable
  • Hands-on experience
  • Global perspective
  • Biased information
  • Cultural nuances
What to do next:
Look at other essays: