IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much as information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the digital age, the debate between unrestricted
information
Use synonyms
 sharing and the need to protect sensitive
data
Use synonyms
 is increasingly relevant.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that sharing
information
Use synonyms
 offers many benefits, I tend to agree with the careful protection of valuable
information
Use synonyms
. The proponents of open
information
Use synonyms
 sharing highlight its role in fostering
innovation
Use synonyms
 and collaboration. They argue that
access
Use synonyms
 to a wide array of
data
Use synonyms
 accelerates research, democratizes knowledge, and potentially reduces costs.
For example
Linking Words
, in academia, the necessity to
access
Use synonyms
 multiple paid resources for a
single term
Add a hyphen
single-term
show examples
 paper underscores the limitations and financial burdens of restricted
information
Use synonyms
access
Use synonyms
. Open sharing is posited to not only facilitate more inclusive research but
also
Linking Words
 to significantly improve efficiency and productivity across various sectors.
However
Linking Words
, I would argue that it is more important to protect sensitive
information
Use synonyms
. Unrestricted
access
Use synonyms
 could lead to dire consequences,
such
Linking Words
 as security breaches that compromise personal and national safety, intellectual property theft that stunts
innovation
Use synonyms
, and even endanger national security.
For instance
Linking Words
, the leakage of military technology to hostile entities could drastically undermine a nation's
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
 capabilities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the theft of proprietary research from a pharmaceutical company could halt the development of life-saving drugs. Protecting sensitive
data
Use synonyms
 is crucial not just for safeguarding competitive edges or proprietary technologies but
also
Linking Words
 for preserving the very foundation of
innovation
Use synonyms
 and creativity. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the sharing of
information
Use synonyms
 is crucial for advancement, a judicious approach to the protection of sensitive and valuable
data
Use synonyms
 is imperative.
This
Linking Words
 ensures a harmonious balance between
innovation
Use synonyms
 and security.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve your score, consider incorporating a wider range of linking phrases to enhance the cohesiveness of your arguments. You've effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but a more diverse use of connectors will strengthen the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Your response to the task shows a good understanding, yet it would benefit from more explicit references to the question prompt. Consider directly addressing both views before providing your own opinion to ensure a more comprehensive discussion.
task achievement
Your essay can be more convincing with additional specific examples or case studies. While you've mentioned general scenarios, citing real-life examples or research findings will add credibility and depth to your arguments, thereby enriching your response to the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
Look at other essays: