In the developed world, average life expactancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that caould be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.
It is common for developed countries that the average lifespan is increasing.
This
situation causes a number
of issues. In this
essay, I plan to consider some of them and possible solutions for reducing their negative impacts.
To begin
with hardships, the grown
Replace the word
growing
number
of aged people makes higher the number
of demands for medical treatment for aged-related
illnesses. In Correct your spelling
age-related
this
term, this
trend may be considered as
a burden on the healthcare system. Change preposition
apply
For example
, the period of expectation for a person who booked an appointment in a medical institution might last
longer due to
a
huge quantity of individuals who need treatments. Along Correct article usage
the
that
, Change preposition
with that
elderly
population can lead to labour shortages and decreased productivity as they stay longer in their jobs. Add an article
the elderly
an elderly
For instance
, if a company has to keep positions for old men, young specialists will lose a chance to get a job there despite the fact of
their modern and progressive techniques Change preposition
apply
that
are not available to the older specialists and, without an argumentation, negatively impact Correct pronoun usage
apply
on
the productivity.
Among the possible remedies, I would like to point out the reform of Change preposition
apply
pension
system to give older people the opportunity to retire early. Correct article usage
the pension
For instance
, benefits and packages that will support their life after retirement. Another measure that can help to mitigate the burden on the healthcare system could be promoting healthy lifestyles to reduce the onset of age-related diseases. The later a person demand
treatments the less strain be on medical Correct subject-verb agreement
demands
istitutions
. Correct your spelling
institutions
Moreover
, encouraging families to have more children through family-friendly policies can balance the age demographic.
To sum up
, the growing number
of aged people has the negatives, yet, providing appropriate policies for early retirement, healthy lifestyles, and the demographic balance can help to alleviate this
impacts.Correct determiner usage
these
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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is fully developed with specific examples. While you have attempted to provide examples, they could be more detailed and concrete to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples that are directly related to the points being made. Using real-world examples or statistics can significantly enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain coherence by carefully organizing your essay. Your essay has a good overall structure, but some paragraphs can benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the essay question.
coherence and cohesion
Improve cohesion by utilizing a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more naturally and be easier to follow.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...