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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Importance should be given to the academic subjects by the schools. Music and sports should not be as a subject. Do you agree or disagree. Give reasons and examples for your answer.

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People generally believe that academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 are more important than non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 for students.
According to
Linking Words
 my opinion, both kinds of courses
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 an impact on one's education
similarly
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. In the below paragraphs, I will elaborate on
this
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 in detail
Firstly
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, every person is unique. They possess different skills. Learning science, mathematics , literature or business will not help children identify their true skills. If only academic
subjects
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 were given significance in the
school
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 curriculum, some kids
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 find it mundane.
Furthermore
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, it can lead to demotivation.
For example
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, I grew up in a South Asian country. They had a misconception that only doctors, business managers and engineers could earn well. So the
school
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's curriculum mainly focused on academic
subjects
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.
Although
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,
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apply
show examples
 there are extracurricular activities after
school
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 hours many parents discourage their children from following them.
However
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, developed countries provide the ability for students to take livelihood education, aesthetic
subjects
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as well as
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 physical education.
Secondly
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, academic institutions are
also
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 responsible for providing holistic development. Every society needs good citizens. Art, music, dancing and sports are the best ways where individuals can gain social, emotional, mental, and physical growth.
For instance
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, engaging in a sport will encourage teamwork, boost confidence, teach how to face challenges and face failure.
In addition
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, it will promote better physical and mental health. In conclusion, educational institutes must not give importance towards teaching intellectual
subjects
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. They should
also
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 pay attention
on
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to
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non-academicacedemic
Correct your spelling
non-academic academic
subjects
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 to provide the best possible learning experience for kids .
This
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 will allow
school
Use synonyms
 children to learn life skills
as well as
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 identify what area they are good at.

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Task Response
To enhance task response, ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt, taking a clear stance on the issue. Provide direct answers to the question posed in the task and offer a thorough exploration of your viewpoint. Ensure your response is complete and that your argument is fully developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your essay in a logical manner. This includes having a clear introduction, body paragraphs that follow a logical progression, and a conclusion that summarizes the essay. Use cohesive devices (such as linking words) effectively to connect ideas and paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the ideas within are connected coherently.
Task Achievement
While you provided examples to support your arguments, try to use more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and grounded in reality. For authenticity, you can include personal experiences, specific facts, or hypothetical scenarios that closely relate to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive Benefits
  • Critical Thinking
  • Problem-Solving Skills
  • Logical Reasoning
  • Analytical Skills
  • Mastery
  • Job Opportunities
  • Discipline
  • Socio-Economic Contribution
  • Technological Advancement
  • Innovate
  • Sustainable Development
  • Physical Health
  • Physical Activity
  • Fitness
  • Obesity
  • Lifestyle Diseases
  • Emotional and Social Development
  • Creativity
  • Emotional Expression
  • Teamwork
  • Communication Skills
  • Sense of Belonging
  • Life Skills
  • Time Management
  • Perseverance
  • Transferable Skills
  • Well-Rounded Education
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