IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The best way to prevent people from smoking is to impose high taxes on tobacco products. In this way, people will be less likely to develop a long-term addiction to smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #taxes #tobacco #products #addiction
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Nowadays,
along with
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 the modern healthy lifestyle, smoking addiction has become a serious concern among them to find a solution to overcome it. Some people argue that the best way to prevent it is to impose high
taxes
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 on tobacco products. I personally agree with
this
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 notion as a great solution to overcome the smoking addiction problem in
societies
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. First and foremost, the main reason why the high
taxes
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 on tobacco products can prevent people from smoking is because it will make
smokers
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 think twice about buying a pack of
cigarettes
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. An expensive price of
cigarettes
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 means it will slowly change the daily habit of these
smokers
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 since they can not buy it as much as before. If
this
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 regulation is implemented, it will present a big impact on
smokers
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 , especially
smokers
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 from middle and low-income
societies
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 since these two
societies
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 contribute a majority number of
smokers
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. To illustrate,
instead
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 of buying
cigarettes
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 at their high prices, they will tend to save their money to buy other things which are more important.
Furthermore
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, high
taxes
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 on tobacco products
also
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 can make many companies reduce or even stop their production of
cigarettes
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. The amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cigarettes
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 in the market will decrease significantly if these companies reduce their production
due to
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 the high cost of
taxes
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. Many small shops will not sell
cigarettes
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 anymore because many cigarette suppliers have stopped their production and people will
also
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 find it difficult to buy them.
Consequently
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,
this
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 will gradually reduce and stop smoking habits in
societies
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.
Submitted by Deddymus on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To further improve your score, ensure you introduce your essay with a clear thesis statement that outlines your argument. This will help make your introduction and conclusion more distinct and effective.
Task Achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, aim to include more specific examples to support your arguments. These examples can be from real-life scenarios, studies, or statistical data that directly relate to the effectiveness of high taxes on reducing smoking rates.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your paragraphs clearly and use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas within and across paragraphs. This includes using transitional phrases like 'Firstly', 'Furthermore', and 'Consequently' to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • impose high taxes
  • tobacco products
  • prevent
  • people
  • smoking
  • long-term addiction
  • less likely
  • develop
  • discourage
  • affordable
  • reduce
  • availability
  • market
  • financial burden
  • deter
  • young people
  • start
  • generate revenue
  • government
  • invest
  • anti-smoking campaigns
  • healthcare services
  • continue
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