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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete, while others believe that children learn team work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sport #children #team #work
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Some people argue that participating in
sports
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 encourages children to be competitive
while
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 others argue that it educates them
how
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on how
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 to
work
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 on a
team
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.
This
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 essay will discuss how
sports
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 can develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
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competitiveness and
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team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
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 in children and why a balance of both is necessary
to
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for
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 them.
To begin
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 with, participating in
sport activity
Fix the agreement mistake
sports activities
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 can help kids develop their competitiveness. During
this
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 activity, they can learn the importance of hard
work
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 and determination in order to win. It
also
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 motivates them to do better than their
last
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 game and achieve new goals.
For instance
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, Michael Jordan was deemed to be not good enough to play basketball on his school varsity. And
this
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 became his motivation to strive harder. To
this
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 day, he is one of the greatest basketball
player
Change to a plural noun
players
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 of
all-time
Correct your spelling
all time
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.
Thus
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, being competitive is good with the right amount.
On the other hand
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,
sports
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 can help children how to
work
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 with other teammates. It will teach them that it is easier to share workloads with others.
This
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 can help them know the strengths and weaknesses of others and the things they can contribute in order to achieve their goal.
For example
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, in
football
Add a comma
football,
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 it requires a
team
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 to succeed. Each player
have
Change the verb form
has
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 their
roles
Fix the agreement mistake
role
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such
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 as the center and
goal keeper
Correct your spelling
goalkeeper
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. They all
work
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 together in order to score.
Hence
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, playing
in
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apply
show examples
sports
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 can educate kids about the importance of working in a
team
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. In conclusion, competitiveness and
Use synonyms
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 can be learned through
sports
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. A balance of both can have significant benefits in their lives.
Submitted by yoko.onerom on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout the essay, introducing each viewpoint individually before merging them into your own opinion. This helps in maintaining a smooth flow of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include a clear introduction stating the essay topics and your thesis. Make sure your conclusion summarizes the discussed views and clearly states your opinion, reinforcing the arguments presented.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Providing specific, real-life instances can strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Task Response
Address the task by discussing both viewpoints equally and providing a clear, personal opinion. Make sure your response fully covers all aspects of the prompt for a comprehensive answer.
Task Response
Enhance task achievement by ensuring that your ideas are comprehensive and well-explained. Your opinion should be evident and supported throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
Task Response
Use specific examples to support your arguments. While some are provided, expanding on these or incorporating additional, relevant examples can further enhance your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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