In some societies the number of crime committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crime should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In certain countries, the amount of young criminals is increasing. A number of people advocate that those adolescents need the same punishment as adults.I disagree with
this
statement to a maximum extent and my essay will elaborate on this
in the following paragraphs.
In the first place, we can observe numerous children who had grown up without parents and these circumstances can affect their personal point of view about life and their behaviour,respectively.Moreover
, those juveniles do not have an appropriate example to lead morally right adult life, and because of why, they may not be able to distinguish a detrimental deed.To give an illustration, according to
the statistics, in Kazakhstan, the amount of young offenders is rising dramatically, and in most cases, they are from deprived families or single-parent families.
What is more, it is undeniable that there are serious negative effects from social media, such
as Instagram, YouTube and TV movies, from which the fragile psyche of children can be easily devastated.
The reason behind this
is that due to
their young age, teenagers do not have the ability to filter the content shown on the Internet or social media.For instance
, recently there were released TV series named "Boy's Word", which promotes the criminal lifestyle of Soviet Union youngsters and where were shown different cruel actions with the presence of blood and immoral deeds. As a consequence
, certain boys are impacted in a harmful way, because they were inspired by those characters in this
tv show.
In conclusion, there is the majority of factors that should be taken into account such
as family conditions and social media effects.Therefore
, it is inappropriate to assign strict punishments for children, who commit certain crimes.Submitted by kassymov_99 on
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task achievement
Ensure your argument is consistent throughout the essay and directly addresses the prompt. Discuss both sides of the argument briefly, even if you strongly disagree, to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied linking words and cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your essay. Try to transition more smoothly between paragraphs and within them to improve cohesiveness.
task achievement
Support your points with more specific examples and data when possible. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates a wider understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Consider including a brief opposing viewpoint and refuting it to make your argument stronger and show your ability to engage critically with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay for grammatical errors and ensure your sentences are clear and concise. This will improve readability and help convey your points more effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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