IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

we live in a world of technology these days. While the Internet brings it with clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the coming days, technology has played an imperative role in every activity which makes
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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easier our life
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. By using the
internet
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 our lives are more convenient and comfortable.
However
Linking Words
, several
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 believe that
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has some serious problems to consider about security
data
Use synonyms
 and control
information
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. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 position for a variety of reasons. There are a lot of arguments that support the idea
of
Change preposition
that
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 the
internet
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 has numerous pros in our lives.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the biggest reason of advantage is that people are brought together around the corner of the world which helps them to share their
information
Use synonyms
 and exchange ideas like insta and Facebook because in the modern world of technology, everyone has to access online platforms, it will help them for who are living in the remote of the era.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my experiences during
in-
Correct determiner usage
the
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 coved pandemic my school closed for 1 year
then
Linking Words
 I joined with
online
Add an article
an online
the online
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 platform
such
Linking Words
 Zoom application. so, I took my books
in
Change preposition
on
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online
Correct article usage
an online
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 platform because I was living
in
Change preposition
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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far away and I couldn’t afford to come city.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 decade, people make easier
connect
Fix the infinitive
to connect
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 with a net. On another
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 there is some evidence to explore that the
internet
Use synonyms
 has drawbacks
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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about
Change preposition
in
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data
Use synonyms
 breaches. nowadays most people are using social platforms and many of them
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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don’t have any comfort zone for posting codes
and
Correct word choice
apply
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pictures or personal
information
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it will be a greater risk
of
Change preposition
to
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 their life in the future. Because they put their private
information
Use synonyms
 and personal
data
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 with any prohibition.
For example
Linking Words
, in my experience I used to be
online
Add an article
an online
the online
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 platform for a long time
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook I put my picture as
result
Correct article usage
a result
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 some hackers
hack
Wrong verb form
hacked
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 my photo into their own account.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 has serious
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 with security
information
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the advancement of the technology and
internet
Use synonyms
 has
critical
Add an article
a critical
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
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rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
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 which
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 it easier in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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how ever
Correct your spelling
however
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 it
has
Verb problem
are
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 some corns
Change preposition
about
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to
Change preposition
about
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 cybersecurity and creepy behaviour
such
Linking Words
 as hacking our private
data
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating a clear structure for your essay with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will help your essay to logically progress from one point to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion effectively introduce and summarize your main points. They should clearly state your position and briefly outline the reasons behind your viewpoints.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support main points with specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments. Avoid generalizations by including details and evidence wherever possible.
Task Achievement
Address the task directly in your introduction, stating your opinion clearly on the given statement. Remember to restate your viewpoint in the conclusion to make your stance clear.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas fully in each paragraph. Aim for clarity in your argumentation, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples.
General Advice
Include a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay. Avoid repetitive language and strive for precision in your choice of words.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • digital banking
  • cybersecurity
  • data protection
  • security breaches
  • cyber attacks
  • online transactions
  • digital divide
  • surveillance
  • freedom of information
  • responsible usage
  • ethical considerations
  • digital footprints
  • online behavior
  • information inequality
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