we live in a world of technology these days. While the Internet brings it with clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the coming days, technology has played an imperative role in every activity which makes
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
easier our life
such
as
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. By using the
internet
our lives are more convenient and comfortable.
However
, several
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
believe that
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
has some serious problems to consider about security
data
and control
information
. I partially agree with
this
position for a variety of reasons. There are a lot of arguments that support the idea
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
the
internet
has numerous pros in our lives.
Firstly
, the biggest reason of advantage is that people are brought together around the corner of the world which helps them to share their
information
and exchange ideas like insta and Facebook because in the modern world of technology, everyone has to access online platforms, it will help them for who are living in the remote of the era.
For instance
, in my experiences during
in-
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
coved pandemic my school closed for 1 year
then
I joined with
online
Add an article
an online
the online
show examples
platform
such
Zoom application. so, I took my books
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
online
Correct article usage
an online
show examples
platform because I was living
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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far away and I couldn’t afford to come city.
Therefore
, in
this
decade, people make easier
connect
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to connect
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with a net. On another
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
there is some evidence to explore that the
internet
has drawbacks
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
data
breaches. nowadays most people are using social platforms and many of them
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
don’t have any comfort zone for posting codes
and
Correct word choice
apply
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pictures or personal
information
.
Moreover
, it will be a greater risk
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
their life in the future. Because they put their private
information
and personal
data
with any prohibition.
For example
, in my experience I used to be
online
Add an article
an online
the online
show examples
platform for a long time
such
as Facebook I put my picture as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
some hackers
hack
Wrong verb form
hacked
show examples
my photo into their own account.
As a result
,
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
has serious
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
with security
information
. In conclusion, the advancement of the technology and
internet
has
critical
Add an article
a critical
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
it easier in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
how ever
Correct your spelling
however
show examples
it
has
Verb problem
are
show examples
some corns
Change preposition
about
show examples
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
cybersecurity and creepy behaviour
such
as hacking our private
data
.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating a clear structure for your essay with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will help your essay to logically progress from one point to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion effectively introduce and summarize your main points. They should clearly state your position and briefly outline the reasons behind your viewpoints.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support main points with specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments. Avoid generalizations by including details and evidence wherever possible.
Task Achievement
Address the task directly in your introduction, stating your opinion clearly on the given statement. Remember to restate your viewpoint in the conclusion to make your stance clear.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas fully in each paragraph. Aim for clarity in your argumentation, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples.
General Advice
Include a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay. Avoid repetitive language and strive for precision in your choice of words.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • digital banking
  • cybersecurity
  • data protection
  • security breaches
  • cyber attacks
  • online transactions
  • digital divide
  • surveillance
  • freedom of information
  • responsible usage
  • ethical considerations
  • digital footprints
  • online behavior
  • information inequality
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