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Writing Samples /
Band 1

Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need.

#people #aim #sales #products
These days, some people think that advertising-based targets are enhancing the percentages of sales quality and making money from adverts which are not necessary for human needs. I entirely disagree with
this
 objection because advertising one of the most common things in
this
 modern era and
this
 helps to improve the life cycle some look for a different type of products, which are medical, commercial, and it may be residential despite the fact that some of the ads give detrimental effect to young children's mental health and lead to negative consequences
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on

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Task Response
Clarify your position more explicitly in the introduction. Your argument should be clear from the beginning, allowing the reader to understand your perspective immediately.
Task Response
Develop your ideas more thoroughly. While you touch on important points (the role of advertising, potential negative effects), these need to be elaborated on with specific examples and clearer argumentation to support your thesis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. It should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs (each focusing on a single main idea with supporting evidence or examples), and a conclusion that summarizes your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will help your essay flow better and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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