Some people believe that pop stars deserve to earn more money than classical music performers. Some disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is an almost daily debate about whether
pop
music
or classical music
merits more money
and popularity in the world. Many youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
pop
songs while
older people
deserve classical music
. Of course
Add a comma
course,
people
choose musics
based on their characters.
On the one hand, many Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
pop
groups or pop
stars are the most famous nowadays because youngers
have a lot of time to listen and to go Correct your spelling
youngsters
concerts
and they fall in love with Change preposition
to concerts
pop
songs. Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
pop
stars advertise not only TV
but Change preposition
on TV
also
on the internet
Capitalize word
Internet
and
etc. Correct word choice
apply
Therefore
they are suggested to
holidays, weddings and birthdays. Not only can they earn Change preposition
for
money
from holidays but also
they gross their concerts. Maybe some individuals think that pop
singers are more rich than classical music
. For
example
adults must work and they do not have leisure Add a comma
example,
times
, but Fix the agreement mistake
time
youngers
have it. Correct your spelling
youngsters
As a result
, pop
music
looks as
Change preposition
apply
a
famous Correct article usage
apply
for
Change preposition
to
people
.
On the other hand
, classical music
wide range in our life
, but we do not come across Fix the agreement mistake
lives
because
they do not have many advertisements, Correct pronoun usage
it because
furthermore
we face to
little on the internet. Classic stars sing only Correct your spelling
too
TV
on holidays Change preposition
on TV
orTV
shows. Correct your spelling
or TV
But
I believe that Correct word choice
However
due to
an enormous effort in mastering instruments and preserving cultural traditions, it is responsible for classical music
performances to earn a high wage. In fact
a majority of musicians who teach traditional Add a comma
fact,
musics
earn Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
amount
of Add an article
the amount
an amount
money
and they have time for sharpening
their skills.
In Change preposition
to sharpen
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
however
, many people
prefer to listen
Add the preposition
listen to
pop
music
, we
Correct word choice
so we
need
pay attention Add the particle
need to
classical
Change preposition
to classical
music
, which we must save our traditional music
. True, there are some arguments but We can not choose which one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
are
famous or which one of Change the verb form
is
pop
or classical musics
earn more Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
money
.Submitted by soglomovsarvar on
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logical structure
Consider structuring your essay more clearly with distinct introductions, body paragraphs, and conclusions. This aids in presenting your argument in a more organized manner, ensuring the reader can follow your points without confusion.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure the introduction explicitly mentions you will discuss both views and give your own opinion. The conclusion should clearly state your stance, summarizing the argument effectively.
supported main points
Develop your main points by expanding on each view with more details and depth. Use more varied sentence structures and transitions to connect ideas better, enhancing your essay's coherence.
complete response
When discussing both views and giving your opinion, ensure your response completely addresses the prompt. Include a balanced analysis of both perspectives before clearly stating and supporting your own viewpoint.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand on your ideas with more comprehensive explanations and rationale. This will make your argument more persuasive and engaging to the reader.
relevant specific examples
Use more varied and specific examples to support your points. Specific examples are compelling evidence of your argument and make your essay more interesting and persuasive.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?