IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people choose to be vegan these days. What are the causes? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #vegan #development
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Recently, veganism has been becoming a lifestyle in society. The increasing amount of carbon emission might be the most plausible motive, and
this
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 custom has the likelihood to diminish the pollution.
In addition
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, opting for
this
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 decision might raise the awareness of animal cruelty that used to exist in many beauty products.
This
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 essay will convey the cause and benefit of
this
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 notion based on those two aspects. The proliferation of carbon in the earth's ozone layer can weaken its ability to protect humans. Usually, we are educated that the use of vehicles is the primary problem
whereas
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 meat farming is the actual one. Cows, sheep, and goats produce sundry carbons from their faeces. Unfortunately, the demand for these animals is quite high. To illustrate, big fast food merchant
such
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 as McDonalds or KFC have always been engrossing for their customers.
Nevertheless
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, sparks of disagreement began to occur from people who were aware of
this
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 circumstance. They started to alleviate their diet with only vegetables and fruits to hinder the deterioration of the atmosphere.
That is
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 just the tip of the iceberg, the vegan tradition
also
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 brings another perk, which is the prevention of animal abuse in makeup and skincare. Previously, numerous industries preferred to do a clinical trial on laboratory animals like white rats or rabbits.
However
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, it all changed when the vegans and vegetarians advocated the rights of those tiny subjects.
For example
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, boycotts are the most prevalent act and they can even be effective in forcing a brand into bankruptcy.
Instead
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 of suffering from
this
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 movement, companies tend to listen to their buyers. We can see various beauty wares being labelled with nature-friendly stamps or stickers. With one lifestyle, nature is protected and corporations are having a treat in the store as well. To recapitulate, the emergence of veganism came from a grave danger of meat consumption
that is
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 imposed on earth's protection capability. As time goes, it
also
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 gave birth to other forms of benefits
such
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 as the prevention of animal cruelty. Needless to say,
this
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 custom has been generating advantageous development for the society and environment. After observing its positivity, I would suggest many people shift to veganism. Parents should teach their juveniles about
this
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 lifestyle
Submitted by aryasblearning on

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Task Response
Focus on a clear introduction that outlines the essay's structure and purpose. To enhance, include a succinct thesis statement that presents your stance clearly.
Task Response
Develop your paragraphs with a clear topic sentence followed by explanation, example, and a concluding sentence. Ensure each paragraph tackles a specific aspect of the question for clearer idea presentation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to create a seamless flow between sentences and paragraphs. Aim for variety in your transitions for smoother coherence.
Task Response
Provide more detailed, specific examples to support your main ideas. This helps in demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic and enhances content relevance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the conclusion summarizes the key points made and reflects back to the thesis, reinforcing your stance and closing the essay with finality.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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