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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some sectors of society believe that the most efficient way to enhance driving safety is to get a driving license with more
age
Use synonyms
 than is permitted in the present.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with that statement because a huge number of car
accidents
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 have been caused by older
people
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 and young
people
Use synonyms
 might have a better understanding of road rules.
To begin
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 with, I believe that elderly
individuals
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 have caused more
accidents
Use synonyms
 than young
individuals
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because of a lack of skills in comprehending situations around them. the older has led to a variety of serious incidents.
For example
Linking Words
, the research recently conducted by the government of Japan discovered that the old
age
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 group actually resulted in more than half of vehicle incidents happening in Japan,
while
Linking Words
 the rate of young
people
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 was relatively low, accounting for only 15%.
Therefore
Linking Words
, setting the maximum
age
Use synonyms
 rather than the minimum obviously could be more effective in order to improve safety in traffic.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, younger
individuals
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 might have a range of knowledge bases in terms of road regulations that encourage them to avoid
accidents
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because young
people
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 have sharp minds in their driving lectures and lessons so that when it comes to unexpected situations they can easily handle and make sure themselves safe.
For instance
Linking Words
, in an article in the University of Tokyo,
individuals
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 who had completed their driving lectures in a couple of years had better and deeper comprehension of the rules
while
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 others did not. In conclusion, I believe that increasing the minimum legal
age
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 for driving does not work significantly
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that the main driving offenders are older
people
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 and younger
people
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 have the ability to grasp any type of driving rules that can prevent them from
accidents
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Strengthen your argument by diversifying your examples and sources. Providing examples from different countries or contexts can make your argument more robust and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a good structure, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to enhance flow and coherence further.
task achievement
To better address the prompt, consider exploring both sides of the argument before concluding. This will show a deeper understanding of the issue and improve your task response score.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your conclusion by summarizing both your argument and the counterargument(if any), then clearly stating your position. This will make your conclusion more impactful.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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