IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The number of people who decide not to have children has increased greatly. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #children #development
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It is often argued that deciding to remain childless has eventually increased. From my perspective, the benefits of the issue are greater than the drawbacks since
society
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a society
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 with fewer
children
Use synonyms
 can provide better education and childcare options.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I accept that a reduction in the number of
children
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 negatively affects society as a whole, leading to a
labor
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labour
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 shortage. We need young people to continually join the workforce to foster economic growth.
However
Linking Words
, with more couples deciding against having
children
Use synonyms
, the number of available workers will ultimately decrease.
For example
Linking Words
, recent research has shown that we are headed towards what is known as a 'demographic cliff', a rapid reduction of the
working age
Add a hyphen
working-age
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 population.
This
Linking Words
 means that there will be fewer people of working age who can support both their
children
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 and the increasing amount of elderly retirees.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I am convinced that societies with a lower birth rate can offer a better livelihood to the
children
Use synonyms
 they
do
Verb problem
apply
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have. Since the funds available to a society are limited, providing sufficient childcare and education becomes difficult when
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 are more
children
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, with fewer
children
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, societies can offer better services with the same amount of resources. To illustrate, a school with 100 students may have a budget that they only
allows
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allow
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 for basic educational needs. Yet If the number of students was halved, the extra money may permit the school to provide a better
quailty
Correct your spelling
quality
 of education using state-of-the-art tools.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 would increase the school's efficiency and produce well-educated students who are more prepared for professional life. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are some disadvantages to an increase in childless couples, it is evident that there are more advantages to a country's birth rate decreasing.
Submitted by jihyei0910 on

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relevant specific examples
Consider including more varied examples to strengthen your arguments. This can enhance the clarity and relevance of your points.
complete response
Ensure all potential aspects of the topic are addressed to provide a fully comprehensive response.
logical structure
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
supported main points
The main points were well developed with supporting details and examples.
complete response
The essay effectively presents a balanced view, acknowledging both positive and negative aspects.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Demographic trends
  • Family planning
  • Societal norms
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Economic implications
  • Work-life balance
  • Overpopulation
  • Cultural perceptions
  • Personal autonomy
  • Life satisfaction
  • Elderly care
  • Labor force
  • Population dynamics
  • Child-free lifestyle
  • Resource allocation
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