IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is better for college students to live on campus than live at home with their parents. To what extent do you agree with this idea?

#college #students #campus #home #parents #idea
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One school of thought holds that university
students
 should live on campus
instead
 of at home.
While
 I accept that the perception is somewhat justified, I believe that there are other factors that pupils might be concerned about. On the one hand, it is understandable why
students
 are advised to reside near their schools. First and foremost, campus living might help scholars cultivate relevant job skills.
For example
, time travel to schools is shorter, which means that
students
 could socialise with other classmates or take part in voluntary activities, which could teach them about communication, teamwork, and problem-solving ability.
Furthermore
, living in facilities around colleges could give learners an opportunity to develop themselves. To be more specific, without any help, they have to do their daily activities independently,
such
 as cooking, cleaning, and washing, thereby enhancing their living skills
as well as
 becoming more mature and responsible.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons why learners should take staying with their parents into account. One rationale is that
this
 decision could protect
students
 against negative influences.
This
 is because these
students
 are likely to have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
limited awareness, so parents could prevent their offspring from having poor relationships, which could make them
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 bad behaviours or misguided mindsets. Another justification is that living with their family might help
students
 improve their performance at school.
For instance
, without worrying about housework, learners could use time to focus on reviewing previous lessons or carefully preparing the new ones in advance.
As a result
, new knowledge could be easier to acquire, and better scores in the exams might be achieved. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that encouraging scholars to live on campus could develop their competency, I would contend that pupils should take its drawbacks into consideration.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent voice and tone throughout the essay. Some shifts in tone can distract from the clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay provides good examples, try to use more precise and varied language to convey your ideas. This will strengthen your argument and make your writing more compelling.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider presenting a more nuanced perspective or counterpoints to your own arguments. This will demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, clearly delineate your paragraphs with one main idea each, making it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate transitional phrases between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas and to better guide the reader through the progression of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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