IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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Obesity is a major concern of humans across the world
due to
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 which the fitness level of society is at risk.
This
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essay
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 will discuss the main causes of being overweight including extended working hours and consumption of processed
food
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.
This
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essay
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 will
also
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 suggest solutions including maintaining a work-life balance and healthy dietary patterns. People spend lots of their
time
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 at the workplace. Since career is a competitive domain, the workforce oftentimes engages in building social relationships and learning new skills
due to
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 which plenty of their
time
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 goes through stress and curiosity.
In addition
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, the most popular choice among humans is fast
food
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 because it is not only convenient but
also
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 tasty which badly affects metabolism and increases fats in the human body.
Thus
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, the long working hours and fast
food
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 have repercussions on health.
Conversely
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, work-life balance is highly inevitable for fitness. Even though exercises take lots of effort, these help to burn calories and unwind our minds. All those who regularly exercise, enjoy a happy life.
Furthermore
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, a well-balanced diet is even more important for a healthy lifestyle. People should eat all kinds of foods including cereals, meat, vegetables, and fruits. Meals should be taken three times a day skipping a meal results in overeating the next
time
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.
Therefore
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, work-life balance and
food
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 can mitigate health issues. In conclusion, being overweight is a major constraint for fitness and health.
This
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essay
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 discusses spending an enormous amount of
time
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 at work and eating fast
food
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 are the causes.
This
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essay
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 suggests differentiating between job and physical activities and consuming a variety of
food
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 are the solutions that can help to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

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Task Achievement
Make sure your essay includes clear, detailed examples to support your main points. While you have identified key issues and solutions, providing more specific examples will strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly by using paragraphs effectively. Each paragraph should address a single main idea, supported by examples or further explanation. This will greatly enhance the readability and coherence of your essay.
Task Response
Consider enhancing the depth of your argument by exploring a wider range of causes and solutions. This will demonstrate greater knowledge and understanding of the topic, contributing to a higher score in Task Response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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