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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
As the available job fields are getting more competitive, some undergraduate
students
 have a strong desire to enhance their
skills
 by learning other
subjects
 which are related to their primary
subjects
. Meanwhile, others think that focusing on one subject to boost their qualifications is more important to do. Personally, I agree that university
students
 should improve their
skills
 by having other
subjects
 because they need to embrace their passion
as well as
 build networking experiences. A
further
 explanation of my point of view will be provided in
this
 essay. First of all, most of those who do not agree with the contention that undergraduate
students
 should learn more different lessons,
afraid
Add a missing verb
are afraid
show examples
 that having some
subjects
 to learn at the same time will distract their focus on completing their assignment.
For example
,
students
 have to prepare their exams for the main subject.
On the other hand
, if they join another class, they should work much harder to submit the assignment of that class.
However
,
this
 will not be a problem if they have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
proper time management and get used to multitasking jobs. On
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, there are several benefits of learning other
subjects
 that
students
 are interested in. One of them is they get an opportunity to develop their passion
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will lead to
upgrade
Change the verb form
upgrading
show examples
 their
skills
, especially
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
soft
skills
.
For instance
,
students
Correct word choice
if students
show examples
 are passionate
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 public speaking,
then
 they decide to join the communication class.
This
 will definitely level up their ability to build networking. Another advantage is they get more
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 as they join some distinct communities.
Consequently
, their probability to be
received
Wrong verb form
receiving
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their dream jobs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 getting higher. In conclusion,
although
 some university
students
 see that having some
subjects
 emerges some challenges for them, the advantages still
outwheigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
 the drawbacks.
Submitted by srsdy008 on

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Task Achievement
Keep a clear focus on your main topic throughout each paragraph to maintain task relevance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures and transitions to enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments further.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, discussing both sides of the argument before stating your own position, which demonstrates good task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have effectively used structure to organize your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids in making your arguments coherent and cohesive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and restates your opinion, showing good cohesion and coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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