IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The use of social media e.g facebook and twitter is replacing face to face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

It is clear that
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 the use of social media forums like
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
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 and
twitter
Capitalize word
Twitter
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 is taking over physical contact for
majority
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the majority
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 of the population in daily life.
This
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 essay will argue that the merits of
this
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 outweigh the demerits. It will
further
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 demonstrate that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 connecting through the internet saves
time
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 and improves social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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although
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 it can lead to untrue
picture
Fix the agreement mistake
pictures
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 of real content. On the
one
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 hand, communicating with individuals via online platforms is
Use synonyms
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
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. By
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this
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this,
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 I mean that the moment that could be used to commute from
one
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 point to another
in-order
Correct your spelling
in order
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 to deliver information can be saved for doing a different rewarding activity.
For instance
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, in the past years, human beings used to travel
to
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apply
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long distances to deliver information and
this
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 was
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time consuming
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time-consuming
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 as they could take several hours to reach the desired destination.
Additionally
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, it has led to improvement in social networking as
one
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 online post is viewed by millions of people. If a citizen has a very big issue
such
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 as illness and he posts that he requires assistance, a crowd of people who are touched by the request help even if they are not related
with
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to
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this
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 particular person by blood.
On the other hand
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, unreal content has been revealed
out
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apply
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when people
finally
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 meet physically.
That is
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 to say that, those who chat through
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 platforms
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
 hide
the
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their
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 real photograph of them. As an example, some youngsters in Kenya date through these community networks for a
longtime
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long time
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 and place their emotions
to
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on
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 these strangers but
then
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 when they
finally
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 organize for a
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one on
Add a hyphen
one-on-one
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one
Use synonyms
 meeting, they become greatly disappointed by the true image of the stranger. In conclusion, the fact that communicating through the internet is less
Use synonyms
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 and enables better connection outweighs the concern that it leads to false imagery.

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the question and effectively outlines the advantages and disadvantages of the use of social media over face-to-face contact. However, to achieve a higher score in task response, ensure that you dive deeper into analyzing both sides of the argument. Consider the broader implications of each point and how they relate to the overarching question.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, for improving coherence and cohesion, try incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that supports the overarching thesis of your essay.
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