Homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?
These days, there is an increase in homelessness in a lot of capital cities in the world.In
this
essay, I will discuss why the problem
have
been Change the verb form
has
occured
and Correct your spelling
occurred
hoe
to improve Correct your spelling
how
this
situation.
One of the main reason
is that many Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
people
are struggled to get their jobs
recently. The compaies
could Correct your spelling
companies
reduse
employees to cut Correct your spelling
reduce
cost
, because Fix the agreement mistake
costs
people
can their
Add a missing verb
do their
jobs
more efficient
by developing computers, robots, AI, and so on. Namely, many Change the word
efficiently
jobs
can be replaced to
Change preposition
by
that
new technologies, and Correct determiner usage
apply
people
have been
lost their Unnecessary verb
apply
jobs
. Moreover
, any
of them have Correct determiner usage
some
came
from Change the verb form
come
countryside
, where Add an article
the countryside
also
doesn’t
have enough Correct subject-verb agreement
don’t
job
, to earn money, so they cannot go back to their hometown.
The solution is that governments should make systems of Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
educations
and insurance. One of the big Fix the agreement mistake
education
problem
is that Change to a plural noun
problems
people
who don’t
have any skills tend to lose their jobs
but they don’t
have enough money to go school
. Change preposition
to school
Furthermore
some Add a comma
Furthermore,
people
might not have studied when they were young. As a result
, they don’t
have knowledge and cannot work everywhere. And also
, governments should help them to find works
. Because some of them Fix the agreement mistake
work
don’t
have any connections,
and Remove the comma
apply
don’t
know how to serch
Correct your spelling
search
companies
that they can applyChange preposition
for companies
.
In conclusion, I believe that the cause of Change preposition
to.
homelessness
Correct article usage
the homelessness
problem
have
increased because of Change the verb form
has
difficulty
Correct article usage
the difficulty
Change preposition
in getting
to get
Change preposition
of getting
jobs
and governments are only
organisations which can solve Correct article usage
the only
this
problem
. When people
get money, they can live in their home
. Fix the agreement mistake
homes
In addition
, with increasing consumers
, Correct quantifier usage
number of consumers
Correct pronoun usage
apply
it
is good for Correct pronoun usage
apply
Correct article usage
the economic
Correct article usage
the economic
Replace the word
economy
economic
around the world.Replace the word
economy
Submitted by mayu1022.p on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
You've provided a generally logical structure to your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there were instances where the flow between sentences was disrupted due to grammatical errors and unclear phrasing. Work on strengthening the connections between your ideas, and ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next for enhanced coherence.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, and you've discussed potential causes and solutions to the issue. However, the depth of your analysis and the specificity of your examples could be improved. Aim for more detailed explanations and provide concrete examples where possible to support your points. This will enhance the clarity of your ideas and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
general advice
To improve your score, focus on reviewing grammatical structures and expanding your vocabulary. Your essay exhibits several errors in syntax and word choice, which can detract from the clarity of your arguments. By refining your language skills, you can enhance the overall effectiveness of your communication.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!