International music events are a good way way to create friendships between cultures. To what extent do you agree with this.

Music

as a universal language

conects

Correct your spelling

connects

people

beyond linguistic barriers and fosters intercultural understanding. Major festivals like Coachella attract diverse audiences and create spaces, where

people

with diverse backgrounds can freely interact.

This

Correct determiner usage

These

show examples

kinds of events help everybody to forget about their differences and find new friends

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

while

having a great time. As most of the audience there are true fans of

music

, they can find like-minded

people

. As well, all of them were growing

Change preposition

up in

show examples

a different cultural and social surroundings

Correct the article-noun agreement

different cultural and social surroundings

a different cultural and social surrounding

show examples

. So we can learn a lot about

others

Change noun form

others'

other's

show examples

beliefs and traditions and probably, open for

yourself

Correct pronoun usage

ourselves

show examples

Correct article usage

the

show examples

fact that no matter where we came from and how different our life pace was we can still enjoy the same things.

Eventhough

Correct your spelling

Even though

comercialization

Correct your spelling

commercialisation

of international

music

events might overshadow a cultural bonding potential,

people

can try to forget about their

paradigmas

Correct your spelling

paradigms

and break down stereotypes and prejudices. It is important to understand that our knowledge about different cultures might be wrong if we were forming it based on

rumors

Change the spelling

rumours

show examples

. Luckily, The positive atmosphere and collective enjoyment at

music

festivals help to break down these stereotypes and build an intercultural understanding. In conclusion, I would like to say that shared

music

experience

Fix the agreement mistake

experiences

show examples

can lead to long-term friendships and foster

creating

Replace the word

creation

show examples

international

Change preposition

of international

show examples

comunities

Correct your spelling

communities

Submitted by varvara.osipova.2007 on Tue Mar 12 2024

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Remember to proofread your essay to catch and correct typographical errors, such as repetitions or misspellings, which can distract from your overall message.

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Try to develop your ideas further with more specific examples or evidence. While you've provided broad statements about music festivals fostering friendships, adding detailed examples or personal anecdotes could strengthen your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Work on varying the structure of your sentences to create a more engaging and dynamic essay. This will also help to make your writing more sophisticated and enjoyable to read.

Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

211 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

intercultural understanding
linguistic barriers
music festivals
cultural fusion
mutual respect
stereotypes
prejudices
commercialization
universal language
transcend

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International music events are a good way way to create friendships between cultures. To what extent do you agree with this.

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers. What is the cause?What can be done to deal with this.

Nowadays, people make new friends using social media and internet chat groups. Some of them believes that is good. Other people thinks that face-to-face conversation is beneficial. Discuss both sides.

The plans show Ashford in 2010 and Ashford now. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Some people think that newly built houses should follow the style of old houses in local areas. Others think that people should have freedom to build houses of their own style. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.