International music events are a good way way to create friendships between cultures. To what extent do you agree with this.

#music #events #friendships #cultures

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Music

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as a universal language

conects

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connects

people

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beyond linguistic barriers and fosters intercultural understanding. Major festivals like Coachella attract diverse audiences and create spaces, where

people

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with diverse backgrounds can freely interact.

Linking Words

This

Correct determiner usage

These

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kinds of events help everybody to forget about their differences and find new friends

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apply

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while

Linking Words

having a great time. As most of the audience there are true fans of

music

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, they can find like-minded

people

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. As well, all of them were growing

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up in

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a different cultural and social surroundings

Correct the article-noun agreement

different cultural and social surroundings

a different cultural and social surrounding

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. So we can learn a lot about

others

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others'

other's

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beliefs and traditions and probably, open for

yourself

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ourselves

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Correct article usage

the

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fact that no matter where we came from and how different our life pace was we can still enjoy the same things.

Eventhough

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Even though

comercialization

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commercialisation

of international

music

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events might overshadow a cultural bonding potential,

people

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can try to forget about their

paradigmas

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paradigms

and break down stereotypes and prejudices. It is important to understand that our knowledge about different cultures might be wrong if we were forming it based on

rumors

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rumours

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. Luckily, The positive atmosphere and collective enjoyment at

music

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festivals help to break down these stereotypes and build an intercultural understanding. In conclusion, I would like to say that shared

music

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experience

Fix the agreement mistake

experiences

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can lead to long-term friendships and foster

creating

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creation

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international

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of international

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comunities

Correct your spelling

communities

Submitted by varvara.osipova.2007 on Tue Mar 12 2024

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General

Remember to proofread your essay to catch and correct typographical errors, such as repetitions or misspellings, which can distract from your overall message.

Task Achievement

Try to develop your ideas further with more specific examples or evidence. While you've provided broad statements about music festivals fostering friendships, adding detailed examples or personal anecdotes could strengthen your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Work on varying the structure of your sentences to create a more engaging and dynamic essay. This will also help to make your writing more sophisticated and enjoyable to read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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2
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

211 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

intercultural understanding
linguistic barriers
music festivals
cultural fusion
mutual respect
stereotypes
prejudices
commercialization
universal language
transcend

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International music events are a good way way to create friendships between cultures. To what extent do you agree with this.

Fully explain your ideas

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passenger. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Write a letter to apologise on particualr job you agreed to take during summer vacation due to some unforeseen circumstances. - Explain the Situation - An apology - Express that you would be interested in the position next summer.

Task 2: With growing number of populations in cities. Many people are living in small homes that do not have outdoor spaces. Is this a positive or negative development?