Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education that government should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that everyone is able to attend tertiary
education
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
the state ought to provide free university
education
for all students regardless of their financial status. I
am not regard
Change the verb form
do not regard
show examples
myself as an advocate of
this
idea. Without a shadow of
doubt
Add an article
a doubt
show examples
, it is not crucial that the authority had better to squander money on tertiary
education
now
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
matter what their socio-economic background .
This
might be because
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
the common belief that free
education
may elevate the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
workforces’
Change noun form
workforce’s
show examples
quality, factually, it may cause career-related problems because of the intense competitiveness. To be specific, a wealth of corporations require employees based on their college qualifications from prestigious universities
such
as
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
Economic University, Foreign Trade University, and Diplomatic Academic of Vietnam.
Hence
, Applying
free-college
Correct article usage
a free-college
show examples
policy is not
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
necessity
Replace the word
necessary
show examples
.
Furthermore
, subsidizing college
education
is not feasible for the authority
due to
budget constraints.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
basis of
this
is that national coffer is not enough to cover completely owing to the essence of payment for alternatives. To be specific, building abundant facilities, thriving tourism and expanding the entertainment industry can be cited as some compelling instances for other aspects that the law-maker makes an investment in.
Thus
, the government should not wholly subsidize tertiary
education
as the state budget is insufficient. In conclusion, I do not have
consensus
Correct article usage
a consensus
show examples
with the governor
takes
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
accountability for fully funding all students' budgets since it limits career opportunities and the government’s budget may not be sufficient.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Introduce your main argument more clearly in your introduction, ensuring that your stance on the topic is immediately apparent to the reader. Providing a concise thesis statement could greatly enhance your essay's focus.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, avoiding repetition and promoting clarity. This can help make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
task response
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Use real-world instances, studies, or statistics where possible to make your arguments more compelling and to better fulfill the task requirements.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: