IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph line shows radio and television audience throughout the day in 1992.

The graph line shows radio and television audience throughout the day in 1992.
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The provided graph illustrates the percentage of
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of people living in
cities
Use synonyms
 in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1970 to 2020. It
also
Linking Words
 exhibits the prediction for the same matter for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of the total population who live in
cities
Use synonyms
 in all countries
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 predicted to
increase
Use synonyms
 in 2040, compared to 1970. In 1970, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 only slightly more than 30% of people living in
cities
Use synonyms
 in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
.
During
Change preposition
From
show examples
 1970 until 2020,
this
Linking Words
number
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 fluctuated and reached its peak in 1990
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 almost 50%.
However
Linking Words
, from 2020,
this
Linking Words
number
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 is predicted to constantly
increase
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 to slightly more than 50% in 2040. The
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
 trend is
also
Linking Words
 shown by
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 in Thailand.
Although
Linking Words
 there was no significant
increase
Use synonyms
 between 1990 to 2020, the total
number
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 of people living in
cities
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 expected to grow to about 45% in 2040.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, Malaysia and Indonesia are showing similar
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
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. In 2040, both countries are predicted to experience a significant
increase
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 population who live in
cities
Use synonyms
. There will be a total
increase
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 almost 50% and 40%, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, cities, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • audience sizes
  • peak times
  • commuting
  • trends
  • prime time
  • fluctuating
  • lifestyle
  • technological advancements
  • engaging content
  • work schedules
  • gradual decline
  • habits
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