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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

A lot of places in the world rely on tourist as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Discuss about the problem solution.

#places #world #tourist #source #income #tourism
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In these
Change preposition
These
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 days, an important source of income has come from many attractive places in the world.
However
,
this
 popular tourism is likely to generate various
problems
, like environmental
problems
 and cultural trouble. First of all, environmental
problems
 mean,
many
Correct word choice
that many
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tourists
 visiting attractive places are more likely to come with tons of unidentifiable matters like viruses and environmental
problems
.
For instance
, we don't know what will happen when it comes from a virus, so, we have to worry about infectious
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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. Because
anomynous
Correct your spelling
anonymous
tourists
 with infectious diseases are more likely to attack native people quietly, it could have side effects.
Secondly
, there is cultural trouble, which means most
tourists
 from different countries have their own cultural identification. Sometimes,
this
 can generate many misunderstandings. If it
assumed
Add a missing verb
is assumed
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 that native people are much more likely not to speak English, understanding each other would be a waste of time.
Along with
this
 problem, sometimes racial
problems
 would arise. Almost all
tourists
 are western people so,
unique
Correct article usage
the unique
show examples
 and invaluable culture of their native region would be possible to disappear with their visit. In conclusion, from my perspective, tourism is a main source of income for
tourists
, but we have to take these aspects, into consideration. Individuals who want to travel should try to respect native cultures and personal hygiene.
Submitted by enoklee on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. In the introduction, outline the issues to be discussed. Each body paragraph should focus on a single problem and provide detailed explanations or examples. The conclusion should summarise the key points discussed.
Task Achievement
Your essay touches upon the main topic but could benefit from more specific examples and solutions to the problems mentioned. Try to provide concrete examples of tourism-related issues and outline specific strategies that could address these challenges.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more clearly and using transition words effectively to guide the reader through your argument. This will improve the logical flow of your essay and make it easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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