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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibilities
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Business always attempts to make better profits, but there is a controversial issue surrounding their social responsibilities, nowadays. I totally believe in the idea that they should do more for society than simply make money. I accept that businesses must make money in order to survive in a cut-throat competition world. Making a profit seems logical
due to
 covering business running costs like employees’ wages, payment for budlings and utilities. On top of the costs, they should invest in improvements and innovations if they wish to withstand stiff competition and remain successful.
For instance
, Nokia did not invest in modern mobile phones so it went out of business and
then
 bankrupt. If businesses are unable to pay their bills or meet the changing needs of markets, they can’t stand in good financial health
also
 their profit will be gone what’s more social responsibility will be irrelevant.
On the other hand
, companies should not be run with the sole aim of maximising profit; they have a wider role to play in society. One social obligation that owners and managers have is to treat their employees well, rather than exploit them.
For example
, they could pay a “living wage” to ensure that workers have a good quality of life. I
also
 like the idea that businesses could use a proportion of their profits to support local charities, environmental projects or education initiatives.
Finally
,
instead
 of trying to minimise their tax payments by using accounting loopholes, I believe that company bosses should be happy to contribute to society through the tax system. In conclusion, I believe that companies should place as much importance on their social responsibilities as they do on their financial objectives.
Submitted by kimiaakhyani67 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, consider creating clearer and more distinct paragraphs. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and follow with a consistent idea throughout the paragraph. Connect sentences and ideas more smoothly using a variety of linking words and phrases. To strengthen the support for your main points, you might include more specific examples or evidence that are clearly linked to the argument.
task achievement
To elevate your task achievement score, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Work on expanding the breadth and depth of your ideas and providing a more balanced argument with a wider range of examples and explanations. Be sure to cover both sides of the argument thoroughly and provide a conclusive opinion that encapsulates your perspective comprehensively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
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