IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people believe that international tourism is a bad thing for their country. What are the advantages and disadvantages that bring to them

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After the COVID-19 pandemic can be prevented by vaccines, the numbers of tourism in the world
initially
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 have been rising more and more until today. Tourists come with various advantages and some negative sides, which
this
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 essay will examine. The benefits obtained by visitors are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic growth and improvement of language skills. The most important positive aspect is the growth of the economy for a majority and minority . It comes from the tourists spending money
such
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 as tourist attraction fees, transportation costs or spending in restaurants. Another benefit is the individual's language skills because the indigenous
people
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 are encouraged and improved by communicating with foreigners.
For example
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, Phuket's local
people
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 try to communicate with the Chinese to sell their products. The drawbacks are the pollution and loss of indigenous culture. the most significant negative side is pollution.
While
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 the traveller travels there, air corruption comes with the aeroplanes and taxis that use oil that transformed from burning to corruption of air.
Moreover
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, sometimes they ruin the environmental tourist attraction,
for instance
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, the sightseer goes to the beach and abandons trash to the sea which leads to the sea animal dying. Another negative aspect is the loss of the indigenous art. When the traveller comes, the locals need to adapt themselves to be modern
people
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 and the traditional culture will be extinct by that time.
To conclude
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, tourists bring both advantages and disadvantages together;
however
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, the drawbacks are a huge problem for society and individuals. In my suggestion, the government should encourage and enhance the
people
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 with their traditional civilization and fund the allocation budget to public companies to support them. In the corruption issue, the government must enact and enforce the law to reduce pollution and prevent negative actions.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction briefly outlines both the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss to give the reader a clear overview of your essay's structure.
task achievement
Work on developing your main points with more detailed examples. Every claim you make should be supported by specific, illustrative examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more logically by grouping related information together and using clear paragraphing. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea that is developed coherently.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices, such as synonyms and transitional phrases, to create a smoother reading experience and better connection between your ideas.
task achievement
In your conclusion, try to synthesize your main points rather than simply suggesting solutions. This helps reinforce your arguments and gives the essay a strong sense of closure.
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