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Band 3

In some socieries the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adilt punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#socieries #crimes #teenagers #people #age #adilt #punishment
In recent years, juvenile
crimes
has
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have
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 been a topic of concern. A school of thought holds that punishment should be similar for all criminals who perpetrate a major
crime
, no matter of age. Personally, I totally disagree with
this
 perspective for the rationale that follows.
To begin
 with, it is a fact beyond dispute that youth
crimes
 often commit a
crime
 because of
impilsive
Correct your spelling
impulsive
 actions. In other
worlds
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words
show examples
, juvenile
crimes
 do not fully develop awareness
that
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which
show examples
lead
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leads
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 to
lack
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a lack
show examples
 of knowledge about the
consequence
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consequences
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.
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According to
Acordingly
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Acordingly this
show examples
, it can be inferred that
majority
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the majority
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 of youth
muder
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murders
perpetrate
Wrong verb form
are perpetrated
show examples
 because of negative influence from family and friends.
Consequently
, it is possible
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 juvenile
crimes
 to be rehabilitated and
changed
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
way
Correct pronoun usage
their way
show examples
 of thinking. Another point is that there is no gain
saying
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in saying
show examples
 that using
rehalibitation
Correct your spelling
rehabilitation
 programmes to renovate youth
crimes
 has
more
Correct article usage
a more
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possitive
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positive
 approach. To be more
specigic
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specific
,
rehalibitation
Correct your spelling
rehabilitation
 programmes have many
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 that can educate young criminals. These methods can help teenagers who commit a
crime
 reintegrate
to
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into
show examples
 the community and
boarden
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broaden
board
Correct article usage
the oppotunity
show examples
oppotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to .
For example
, counselling,
vocational
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and vocational
show examples
 training are some ways that can be utilized to
rehalibitate
Correct your spelling
rehabilitate
 these teenagers.
As a result
, juvenile
crimes
 will have a potential future. In view of the aforementioned arguments, my unshakable conviction is that juvenile
offending
Replace the word
offenders
show examples
 who perpetrate a major
crime
 should not receive
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 similar punishment as
mature
Add an article
a mature
show examples
crime
.
Submitted by  11E4 Community on

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your stance and gives a brief outline of the main points to be discussed.
task achievement
More specific examples and evidence could strengthen your argument. For example, referencing studies or statistics related to the effectiveness of rehabilitation programs would be beneficial.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure your essay has a clear logical flow. Using more cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs could enhance readability.
coherence and cohesion
For cohesion, use a greater variety of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
language
Pay attention to spelling and grammar errors, such as 'rehalibitation' should be 'rehabilitation', 'muder perpetrate' should be 'murderers', and 'juvenile crimes' is not used correctly (consider 'juvenile criminals' or 'juveniles who commit crimes'). Correct these to ensure clarity and professionalism in your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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