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Band 2.5

The youth crime rate is rising rapidly in many countries. What are the reasons for this trend? What can parents and teachers do to solve it?

#youth #crime #rate #countries #trend #parents #teachers
Nowadays, more and more
yonth
Correct your spelling
youth
young
 people
crime
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crimes
show examples
 in many countries, especially
teenager
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teenagers
show examples
. Many people
belive
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believe
show examples
 technology
developing
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development
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 is the main reason leads
this
 situation.
Children
 can
easy to
Replace the word
easily
show examples
 watch videos
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 via different
devides
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devices
such
 as
smart phone
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smartphones
show examples
,
laptop
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laptops
show examples
 and
tevevision
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televisions
. They watch videos and get
informations
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information
pieces of information
show examples
 which are not suitable
their
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for their
show examples
 age. Especially, the videos may include crime and sexual. There are
lots
Correct quantifier usage
lot
show examples
 of news about
youth
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young
show examples
 people
want
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wanting
show examples
 to attract others, so following challenges
what
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apply
show examples
may damage
self
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themselves
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 or
others
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others'
other's
show examples
live
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lives
show examples
.
Secondly
, teachers
cann't
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can't
 give students punishment when they do something wrong. Some partners protect
they
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their
show examples
childeren
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children
 too much, so ask teachers
don't
Verb problem
not to
show examples
 punish their
children
 even when
children
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
 follow the
rule
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rules
show examples
 of school. It may cause
teacher
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teachers
show examples
can not
Verb problem
to
show examples
 stop students when they find some little sign before things
go
Verb problem
get
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 worse.
To sum up
,
childrenhood
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childhood
 is so important during
kid's
Correct article usage
a kid's
show examples
growning
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growing
 which learning to follow the rules of reality
live
Verb problem
apply
show examples
and learn
the personilty
Correct word choice
personal
show examples
duty
Fix the agreement mistake
duties
show examples
. Parents should make a good relationship with
children
such
 as making conversation to understand what
happened
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happens
show examples
everyday
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every day
show examples
 in school or other places. Teachers
also
 need to take care
students
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of students
show examples
 and report to
parants
Correct your spelling
parents
 if find out something strange.
Submitted by fran60825 on

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structure
Work on structuring your essay better with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
paragraphing
Use paragraphing effectively to separate different ideas or points. This contributes to the logical flow of the essay.
task response
Make sure to accurately address the essay question, including all parts of the prompt in your response. Detail reasons for the trend and specific solutions.
vocabulary
Use a broader range of vocabulary and try to avoid repetition of words and phrases. This demonstrates a wider language proficiency.
grammar
Check your essay for grammatical errors and aim for accuracy in your verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article use.
examples
Incorporate specific examples to support your points. This helps to make your arguments more convincing.
reasoning
Be wary of overgeneralizations. Back up your claims with evidence or explain your reasoning clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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