IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

#rise #world #population #humanity #time
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From
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In
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Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 few years,the global
rise
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 in human population level is believed to be the toughest complication ever faced by mankind.There are certain reasons behind
this
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 worldly
rise
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 like
illetracy
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illiteracy
,more facilities by
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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,and
parents
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parents'
parent's
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 desire to get a baby boy.
However
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,I partially disagree with
this
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 notion believing that there are a lot more other problems that require
an
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apply
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immediate action. To commence with,the
rise
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 in
illetracy
Correct your spelling
illiteracy
literacy
 level in the world is one of the major
cause
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causes
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 behind
this
Linking Words
 problem. As
people
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 are less aware
regarding
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of
show examples
 the drawbacks they have to face
by
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with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 increasing
number
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 of individuals.
Furthermore
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, the additional
number
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 of facilities offered by the
government
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 is
also
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 one of the major
reason
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reasons
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
government
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 schemes like free education and healthcare
to
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for
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 children
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 18 years in certain countries
leads
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lead
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 to an increase in
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number
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a number
the number
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 of
people
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. Another reason is the desire of parents to get a baby boy, which leads to more children
incase
Correct your spelling
in case
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 of
daughter
Correct article usage
a daughter
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 being born at first.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of other problems like deforestation,reduction in
amount
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the amount
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 of fossil fuel
reserve
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reserves
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,
rise
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 in crime rates,and downfall in
world
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the world
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 economy are
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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much more concern
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then
Correct your spelling
than
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this
Linking Words
 increase in
number
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 of population.
Additionally
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, various countries and regions have far less
number
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 of
people
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 living in these areas as compared to what it actually can incorporate.
For example
Linking Words
, Countries like Australia and Canada
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 almost one-fourth
number
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 of
people
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 as compared to India as per
National
Correct article usage
the National
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 News Survey of 2021.
To conclude
Linking Words
,I think that seminars should be organised by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 in places of high population level to spread awareness among
general
Add an article
the general
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 public. Appropriately, taxes should be imposed on
people
Use synonyms
 having more than two children in highly populated areas and no
government
Use synonyms
 benefit should provided to them to control
this
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 issue.
Submitted by loginfree246 on

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logical structure
Focus on improving essay structure by having well-defined paragraphs with a clear division between introduction, body, and conclusion. Start with a concise introduction, followed by reasoned body paragraphs, and a summarizing conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion. The introduction should briefly introduce your stance on the topic, while the conclusion should summarise the key points made and restate your position.
supported main points
Back up your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. To make your arguments more compelling, use specific, real-world examples that directly support your claims.
complete response
Address all parts of the task in your response. This includes discussing the causes of the population rise, and also taking a clear stance on whether you agree that it's the greatest problem faced by humanity, with reasons to support your view.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand upon your ideas to produce a more comprehensive argument. Each paragraph should present a clear idea, followed by detailed support, ensuring your reader fully understands your stance and reasoning.
relevant specific examples
Enhance your essay by using more relevant and varied examples. These should directly relate to the causes and implications of the population rise. Avoid general statements and strive to provide specific evidence or cases to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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