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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The map show the changes of Bell Hill Farm in 1976 and 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The map show the changes of Bell Hill Farm in 1976 and 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#show #changes #bell #hill #farm #information #features #comparisons
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The map illustrates changes which took place in Bell Hill farm between the years of 1976 and Bell Hill environment centre in 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that Bell Hill farm used to have an ordinary design with
barn
Correct article usage
a barn
show examples
, cow sheds, farmyard and storage which became more sophisticated in terms of
recreational
Replace the word
recreation
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 with the facilities of parking, multimedia room, student housing and recreation area. On the whole, in 2006,
multimedia
Correct article usage
the multimedia
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 room replaced
barn
Correct article usage
the barn
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 which included corn and other products in 1976. Another significant change is that, in 1976, there was a cow
sheds
Change the noun form
shed
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 located in the left corner of
map
Add an article
the map
show examples
 and in 2006 student housing replaced its place.
In addition
Linking Words
,
farmyard
Correct article usage
the farmyard
show examples
 was demolished, and its place
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
recreational area was constructed. Towards the right side, storage for farm machinery transformed into
a
Correct article usage
apply
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vehicle parking.
Finally
Linking Words
, we can observe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the farmhouse in the bottom and road in the bottom left of the map did not go through any changes. (161 words)
Submitted by g4832525 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "map" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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