IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so they should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

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Art
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 classes,
such
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 as painting and drawing have been recognized as important for children's
overall
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 development.
Therefore
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, it is an ongoing debate that
such
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subjects
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 should be seen as obligatory. From my perspective, I partly agree with the statement. On the one hand, there are certain reasons why the role of
art
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-related
subjects
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 crucial for the development of children.
For example
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, maths which requires
Add an article
the student
a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 to
caculate
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calculate
 and solve maths questions helps them to enhance problem-solving skills and cognitive acuity;
while
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art
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subjects
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 could provide children with creative abilities. By participating in these classes,
students
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 have more chances to learn how to observe artworks and
furthermore
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 have a deeper insight into one's emotions.
On the other hand
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, apart from
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
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 benefits that
art
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 classes could bring. Not all
students
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 are interested in
art
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subjects
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, if
students
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 are forced to learn
such
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subjects
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, it could be a cause of frustration and stress, leading them to resist. Meanwhile,
these
Correct determiner usage
this
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 amount of time should be spent on other
subjects
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 which
students
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 feel enthusiastic about.
For example
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, in Vietnam, the Ministry of Education and Training has allowed
students
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 to choose the
subjects
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 they love to study
instead
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 of forcing them to study nine mandatory as before.
Furthermore
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, there are policies encouraging
students
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 to participate in physical
subjects
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 to bring about
comprehersive
Correct your spelling
comprehensive
 development. In conclusion,
although
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art
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subjects
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 are as important as others
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, these
subjects
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 should not be considered
as
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apply
show examples
obligatory.
Instead
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, it is necessary for schools to guide their
students
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 to discover their potential so that they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 develop in the most
comprehersive
Correct your spelling
comprehensive
 way.

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task response
Strive to fully address the essay prompt. Your stance is somewhat vague. State clearly whether you agree or disagree with the statement in the introduction and consistently support this stance throughout.
task response
Develop your ideas further with more specific examples and explanations. This will strengthen your argument and provide greater clarity for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay shows a good structure, but some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to your main argument. This will enhance logical flow and coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Utilize a greater variety of linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will improve the essay's readability and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive skills
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity and innovation
  • Cultural awareness
  • Global citizenship
  • Tolerance
  • Enhanced academic performance
  • Focus
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Mathematical abilities
  • Stress relief
  • Personal development
  • Self-discipline
  • Perseverance
  • Confidence
  • Teamwork
  • Collaboration
What to do next:
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