Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so they should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

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Art
classes,
such
as painting and drawing have been recognized as important for children's
overall
development.
Therefore
, it is an ongoing debate that
such
subjects
should be seen as obligatory. From my perspective, I partly agree with the statement. On the one hand, there are certain reasons why the role of
art
-related
subjects
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
crucial for the development of children.
For example
, maths which requires
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
to
caculate
Correct your spelling
calculate
and solve maths questions helps them to enhance problem-solving skills and cognitive acuity;
while
art
subjects
could provide children with creative abilities. By participating in these classes,
students
have more chances to learn how to observe artworks and
furthermore
have a deeper insight into one's emotions.
On the other hand
, apart from
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
benefits that
art
classes could bring. Not all
students
are interested in
art
subjects
, if
students
are forced to learn
such
subjects
, it could be a cause of frustration and stress, leading them to resist. Meanwhile,
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
amount of time should be spent on other
subjects
which
students
feel enthusiastic about.
For example
, in Vietnam, the Ministry of Education and Training has allowed
students
to choose the
subjects
they love to study
instead
of forcing them to study nine mandatory as before.
Furthermore
, there are policies encouraging
students
to participate in physical
subjects
to bring about
comprehersive
Correct your spelling
comprehensive
development. In conclusion,
although
art
subjects
are as important as others
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, these
subjects
should not be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
obligatory.
Instead
, it is necessary for schools to guide their
students
to discover their potential so that they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
develop in the most
comprehersive
Correct your spelling
comprehensive
way.
Submitted by hoaan2409 on

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task response
Strive to fully address the essay prompt. Your stance is somewhat vague. State clearly whether you agree or disagree with the statement in the introduction and consistently support this stance throughout.
task response
Develop your ideas further with more specific examples and explanations. This will strengthen your argument and provide greater clarity for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay shows a good structure, but some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to your main argument. This will enhance logical flow and coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Utilize a greater variety of linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will improve the essay's readability and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive skills
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity and innovation
  • Cultural awareness
  • Global citizenship
  • Tolerance
  • Enhanced academic performance
  • Focus
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Mathematical abilities
  • Stress relief
  • Personal development
  • Self-discipline
  • Perseverance
  • Confidence
  • Teamwork
  • Collaboration
What to do next:
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