IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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The number of
people
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 residing in sub-urban
areas
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 is declining in most countries
as a result
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 of migration to urban
areas
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.
Such
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 a phenomenon might happen for a number of reasons and can cause both advantages and disadvantages, especially to
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
development
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.
This
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 essay will discuss reasons why
this
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 case can be both positive and negative developments to some extent.
First,
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there are several ways to see
this
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 case as a positive
development
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, one of them is by looking from the rural
people
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’s point of view. These
people
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 may see urbanization as a chance to increase their welfare level, the level they cannot gain in the countryside. Cities can provide them with more job options with higher
payment
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pay
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. Even the same jobs,
such
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 as healthcare workers, in the countryside are often being paid less than those in urban
areas
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.
However
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, if we see it from the perspective of how they left rural
areas
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 massively and permanently, it is just a matter of time before we see the negative
development
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 out of it. There will not be a single issue out of
this
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 phenomenon if these
people
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 are only left temporarily to gain what they need, but residing permanently will make the cities over-populated. Overpopulation in a single area can cause issues,
such
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 as a lack of housing
areas
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, a high rate of unemployment, etc. In summary, migration of rural
people
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 can be a positive
development
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 to some extent but will cause some issues if it’s out of control.
However
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, we cannot prevent
people
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 to want a better life.
Therefore
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, urbanization should be managed and limited by regulations.
Instead
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 of letting the migration happen, the government should focus more on making them independent in their living
areas
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, without having to migrate.

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task achievement
Expand on the specific examples provided to strengthen your argument. For instance, include statistical data or real-world examples to showcase the impact of urbanization on both rural and urban areas.
task achievement
Work on developing a more nuanced thesis statement that clearly outlines your stance on the development being either positive or negative. Provide a balanced view throughout your essay but ensure your conclusion aligns with your initial stance.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, aim to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. Furthermore, consider organizing paragraphs so there's a clear progression of ideas from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
While your essay’s logical structure is well-maintained, including a brief outline of the main points in your introduction can help readers follow your argumentation more easily. Additionally, refining your conclusion to more explicitly reflect back on the essay’s key arguments will enhance its effectiveness.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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