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Band 4.5

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries. What problems does this cause? Solutions?

#professionals #doctors #teachers #countries
In recent years
mora
Correct your spelling
more
show examples
 and more people especially those who have a regulatory profession
leave
Wrong verb form
have left
show examples
 their countries after their
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 searching for better income and realisation.
Itself
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
this
 contributes to a huge range of
problems
 like reduced employees, not
efficant
Correct your spelling
efficient
 healthcare system for doctors and issues with education for
teachers
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will argue some possible solutions for those
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
problems
.
However
, after completing their qualifications healthcare
practicioners
Correct your spelling
practitioners
 prefer to leave their hometown and country searching for better pay and progress.
This
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 serious
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 not only for society
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but for other
professionals
 as well
for instance
 as a co-worker much more
work
 falls on one person and
this
 in turn leads to tension and overwork which leads to providing not
efficiant
Correct your spelling
efficient
 healthcare for patients.
Furthermore
, to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
handle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
issues like
this
 government should encourage
professionals
 like
this
 to stay and practice
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own country
for example
 by funding for education or providing free courses with condition to stay and practice after graduation for a few years.
Moreover
, the same issue is facing people working
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system like
teachers
. They are leaving their countries searching for better conditions for
work
 and
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
. The shortage of
teachers
 can cause serious
litteracy
Correct your spelling
literacy
literary
problems
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Which
on the other hand
 leads to weak
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 and
state
Fix the agreement mistake
states
show examples
. In
this
 case government should encourage people to stay and
work
 in
this
 area by paying them better wages and
provides
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
teachers
 with better
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
professionals
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
regulatory
Correct article usage
the regulatory
show examples
 profession should stay
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own countries if not
this
 can cause serious
problems
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and their
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should encourage
professionals
 to
work
 with better
payment
Replace the word
pay
show examples
 and educational
scheme
Fix the agreement mistake
schemes
show examples
.
Submitted by yuzgeademova2001 on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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