IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the results survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

#results #survey #people’s #coffee #tea #habits #five #australian #cities
The bar chart illustrates the outcomes of a survey about individual
coffee
 and tea buying and drinking habits in Sydney,
Melbourne
, Brisbane, Adelaide and Hobart.
Overall
, the highest rate in
Melbourne
 was of those going to a café for
coffee
 and tea,
whereas
 the lowest rate was of those having fresh
coffee
 in Brisbane.
On the other hand
, people going to café increased sharply in Hobart,
while
 the rate of those having fresh
coffee
 decreased significantly in the same city. Looking at the details,
although
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
ratio
 of people visiting a café was the highest one in
Melbourne
, at approximately 63%,
whereas
 the
ratio
 of those having fresh
coffee
 was the lowest one in
Melbourne
, at nearly 43%.
On the other hand
, the percentage of those having
instant
coffee
 was about 48%. After a modest drop in the
ratio
 of those buying fresh
coffee
, the buying fresh
coffee
 proportion decreased sharply
while
 the
instant
coffee
 jumped gradually from nearly 48% to 53% in
Melbourne
 and Brisbane. Looking at more details, Can see that the percentage of those having
instant
coffee
 was almost 46 per cent in Sydney .
On the contrary
, the percentage of those having fresh
coffee
 was almost 34% in Adelaide.
In addition
 to that, the
ratio
 of people having
instant
coffee
 was exactly 50 per cent in Adelaide.
Submitted by waell12 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand, whereas, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, melbourne, ratio, instant with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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