More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems do this case? What do you think are the possible solution?

In contemporary society, the evidence that buying
cars
has grown considerably in recent decades
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is obvious. Numerous individuals frequently purchase new automobiles and
this
phenomenon creates ample concern regarding the environment and road infrastructures. In my view, it can effectively be addressed by not only manufacturing electric-powered
cars
but
also
investing in well-structured roads. To commence with,
this
practice invites several difficulties in economic development. First and foremost, provided that individuals purchase many automobiles at the same time simultaneously, it will increase traffic congestion dramatically, which eventually contributes to environmental issues
such
as noise and global warming. One of the fundamental reasons for
this
is that having emitted harmful gases,
cars
are being driven. Despite carbon emissions, people are buying
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
continuously and
that is
leading to exacerbating environmental degradation and air quality issues.
Besides
this
, the more vehicles means the more use of natural resources
such
as petrol and diesel.
As a result
, on rising prices of fuels,
also
escalate the costs of other essential commodities. In essence, purchasing a huge number of
cars
at once creates various problems in the economy of any country.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
aforementioned consequences can be tackled by applying numerous methods, not least among them is encouraging to use of public transportation and electric-powered vehicles. In
this
case, the government corporations have to be accountable and individuals are motivated, it not only gets rid of environmental contamination but
also
becomes more economically viable.
Additionally
, by organizing preventative events, the government may generate to increase the statics of electric
cars
. To cite an example, it is the emphasis on the financial status of the country by intergovernmental organizations that Japanese international companies
figured
Wrong verb form
figure
show examples
out a solution to reduce the mentioned problems. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, they used extremely motivational presentations to sell their new
cars
and, after all, the number of customers increased significantly.
Consequently
, it will reduce both congestion and control the rising costs of other goods.
To conclude
, the increase in the number of purchased
cars
can pose a problem for the environment, exacerbating traffic issues.
However
, in order to combat
this
problem, two ways should be applied. One of them is motivating public transportation, the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
is ubiquitously recommending battery-powered automobiles.
Submitted by muhammadrizoabduxalimov017 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To further improve your essay, focus on adding more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This can add depth and persuasiveness to your argument.
Task Achievement
Work on the clarity and precision of your ideas. Aim to express your thoughts more succinctly and avoid redundancy, underlining the importance of each point more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by ensuring each paragraph clearly focuses on a single main idea, supported by specific examples or evidence. This will make your argument stronger and more coherent.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments, making the relationship between ideas clearer.
Coherence and Cohesion
Review the introduction and conclusion of your essay to ensure they effectively summarize your main points and reinforce your overall argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: