Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

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Some would argue that data from science study, biz and the
academical
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academic
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world should be given
for
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to
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society without limits,
while
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others say that
strategical
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strategic
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info must be accepted separately and used in moderation.
While
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free access to any kind of knowledge provides to high increase
of
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in
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new
discovery
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discoveries
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, I believe that it is better to be realistic and continue to limit some intelligence. On the one hand, to have an opportunity
for accepting
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to accept
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any information for free is a great chance to develop our world in a better way. But let’s be honest, it can be deadly dangerous for humans to open Pandora’s Box.
For example
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, all of us are using
abilities
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the abilities
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of
internet
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the internet
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, almost any kind of media, books, photos and articles can be found there. So, why
we
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do we
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call net
garbage
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a garbage
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store?
Answer
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The answer
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is simple, too
much
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many
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destructive things
that
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apply
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can hurt
most
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the most
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undefeated part of people.
On the other hand
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, restricting data is the way to save lives. As you know, poison kills or heals, it depends on
doze
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the doze
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. You can never be sure
in
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about
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thoughts
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the thoughts
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of
other person
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another person
other people
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,
not to mention
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about other country’s leaders.
For example
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, industrial spies are hunting for the secret innovations of their competitors; it harms economics, decreases GDP and
brakes
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breaks
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fates. Sometimes damage is uncountable. In conclusion,
although
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using data without borders might be
reason
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the reason
a reason
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for development in
few
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a few
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areas,
it
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there
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is only one good reason for it and
that is
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why it is more important to use
clue
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clues
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with moderation. Confirmation of
this
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can be found in everyday life.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. However, to improve task achievement, ensure to develop your ideas more fully with more specific examples. Consider adding more detailed scenarios or studies to substantiate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure, which helps in understanding your argument. Yet, to enhance coherence and cohesion, work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs. Phrases like 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' can be effective, but additional linking words or phrases could make the progression of your ideas more natural.
coherence cohesion
While you've done well in presenting your introduction and conclusion, aim for a clearer thesis statement that succinctly summarizes your main argument. This will strengthen the introduction and give your essay a stronger foundation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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