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Band 5.5

Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #events #waste #money #celebrations #role #lives #individuals #society
Celebrating personal occasions has become a popular trend
this
 decade. Many
people
 feel that spending
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 celebration is not worth it.
On the other hand
 , some individuals believe that these events enhance individual lives and society. In
this
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain the two opposing ideas and views and present my personal views. From one view The main aim of events like weddings and birthdays is to spend time with family, friends, and colleagues to have fun.
This
 gathering increases the strength of the relationship and provides happy memories. Traditional characteristics may be present in
people
's styles, decisions, and foods.
Such
 as Indian weddings, which are popular with special women’s styles like Sary and golds and special dances.  
On the other hand
, spending a lot of
money
 on wedding and birthday preparations isn't fair. To explain more, nowadays,
people
 celebrate
this
 event for the show. They spent
money
 on unnecessary things like expensive decorations, lighting, and photo sessions.
For example
, a new trend even is the gender reveal party, which is not an important event, but
people
 spend
money
 and time organising like
this
 event. on
oth
Correct your spelling
both
   I believe that organisers
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 small parties with simple decorations and close family and friends are sufficient and effective to have fun and good memories.
To conclude
, celebrating special events has many individual and social wellbeing impacts.
However
, wasting
money
 on unnecessary preparation is not acceptable
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. I believe that providing simple celebrations with less cost is more efficient than spending
money
 on important activities or donating when needed.
Submitted by arwa.m.24555 on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use paragraphs to separate different ideas and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence
To improve coherence, use a range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. Make sure these logical connectors are used correctly to show the relationship between your ideas.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, make sure to fully address all parts of the task. Include more specific examples and details to support your arguments and opinions.
language
Work on varying sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and engagingly. This will help you to communicate your arguments more effectively and improve your overall score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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