IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

at the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults,compared with the number of older people. do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, the population of some countries contains much more young
adults
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 than older people.
This
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 means that most organizations are run by young
individuals
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. Do the positives of
this
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 situation outweigh its drawbacks? In
this
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 essay, I am going to analyze the major points and try to draw some conclusions. Let’s start with the advantages. Generally speaking, young
adults
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 are more active
individuals
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 with higher performance during
work
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 hours. Mostly, people are more ambitious during their earlier ages and they are planning to build a comfortable future for themselves and
also
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 their family.
Secondly
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, as technology is developing at a great pace, younger
individuals
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 may be much more open-minded to learning how new technologies
work
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. Appropriately using new technology, has improved the organizations in the majority of cases. Looking at the other side of the argument, young
adults
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 have less experience than older people. Younger
individuals
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 may take the wrong action in facing a critical problem
due to
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 a lack of experience.
This
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 could have a permanent effect on their
work
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 life. Another issue is that young ages have lower budgets to expand their career.
This
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 may influence their courage to be an entrepreneur and they turn to choose a safe 9 to 5 job with a stable income and having insurance. All things considered, some countries are facing with increasing number of young
adults
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 in their whole population. There are pros of active
work
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 units and suitable technology use against the cons of lack of experience and budget. In my opinion, the positives outweigh the negatives as most countries are planning to increase their young
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adults
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adult
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 population. Young ones are much more suitable to build a country’s future.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has one main idea and is clearly linked to the overall argument.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or data to support your points, which can strengthen your argument.
general
Avoid minor grammatical errors and improve sentence variety for a more polished essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the ideas are logically presented.
task achievement
The response fully addresses the task and provides a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of the issue.
general
The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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