IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You and your family are living in rented accommodation in an English speaking country. You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter -introduce yourself -explain what is wrong with the furniture -say what action you would like the landlord to take Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear ................. ,

#accommodation #english #country #condition #furniture #friend #-introduce #-explain #-say #action #landlord #addresses
Dear Sara, I hope you are doing well with your new baby boy. I am sending
this
 letter from Seattle, as I told you when we met at Sofia's party that I'm going with my husband and the twins to a luxury Cabin in the US. I have to tell you, the place is awful and I'm still very upset about the living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
, especially the furniture. Can you
image
Replace the word
imagine
show examples
 I found bed bugs in one of the twins'
bed
Fix the agreement mistake
beds
show examples
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 it was pretty disgusting and we had to arrange for them to sleep on our bedroom floor.
Not to mention
 the living room where the couch had wine stains all over it. Anyway, Since we arrived late at night we had to stay the night. now we are having breakfast in a nice coffee shop and I already wrote a very angry letter to the landlord asking him for an immediate full refund of the amount we paid or I will go to the police. Best Wishes, Khawla
Submitted by ph_yoyo on

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Task Achievement
Although you have clearly mentioned the introduction about yourself in the letter, it is recommended to give clear issues about what is wrong with the furniture. Instead of mentioning bedbugs and wine stains separately, you can say 'The furniture is dirty and infested with bedbugs and stained which makes it unpleasant to use.' This will make your complaints more clear and structured.
Coherence and cohesion
The overall structure of your letter makes sense, however, try to connect your ideas more smoothly. Use linking words to create better coherence (e.g., moreover, furthermore, therefore).
Lexical resource
I would recommend using a wider range of vocabulary. Try to incorporate more sophisticated synonyms and idioms to display a more advanced knowledge of the language.
Grammar
Your grammar usage is generally good, but there are a few slight errors (e.g., 'Can you image' should be 'Can you imagine'). Pay more attention to details and proofread your letter before submitting it.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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