IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Demand for food is increasing worldwide. What is the causes of this topic? What measures can be international community take to meet this demand?

#demand #food #topic #measures #community
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As the
population
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 in the
world
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 is on an uptrend and they need a diet to survive ,
therefore
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, more necessity is being felt to provide
this
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 essential element for the growing number. There are some reasons causing
this
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 phenomenon and some solutions in order to work
this
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 issue out which are going to be discussed in
this
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 essay. Self-evidently, the
world
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 is not experiencing the same rise in
population
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 number in which under-developed or developing
countries
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 hit the top. So, it is obvious that the more people one country has the more
food
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 it will require. Case in point, if you focus on African
countries
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 you will observe more
food
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 is needed
due to
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population
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 mounting.
Moreover
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, culture in
food
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 consumption is another factor affecting more demand for
food
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. If we consider less-developed
countries
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 we can see there is a huge amount of
food
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 waste derived from a lack of consumption knowledge. The need for
food
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 is an absolute fact that influences whole the universe in the end.
In other words
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, poor continents' pitfalls are
finally
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 a sort of burden on affluent continents.
As a result
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, we have to consider the
world
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 as a whole and find a solution for
this
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 issue universally by international organizations' planning and predictions. By way of illustration, with the help of the mentioned organs, boosting the level of grain cultivation will lead to better
food
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 production and will reimburse for the lack of it to some extent. Definitely,
this
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 will not be sufficient and more actions
such
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 as improving the knowledge of people
along with
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 the importance of conservation will provide a better consequence. In summary,
due to
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 the existence of starving
countries
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, more
food
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 is needed for the current generation in the
world
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 which must be prepared by any possible means.
Population
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 and culture as the main causes and grain cultivating and boosting consumers' knowledge as the main solutions were discussed in
this
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 essay.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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task response
To strengthen your essay, ensure your introduction and conclusion are concise and directly address the essay question. While you've established a clear general response, refining these sections to more explicitly outline your main points will enhance clarity and effectiveness.
coherence and cohesion
Consider diversifying your linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. While your essay demonstrates a logical structure, the utilization of a greater variety of cohesive devices will make your arguments more fluid and comprehensible.
task response
Incorporating more specific examples and data can significantly bolster your arguments. While you've provided general examples, offering more detailed and specific instances can strengthen the persuasiveness of your points and provide clearer support for your claims.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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