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Band 6.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

#technology #people #viewpoints
A myriad of
people
 think that new tech achievements have made
people
 closer to each other,
while
others
 claim that the separation among folks is on the increase,
due to
 the enhancement of
technology
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both standpoints before turning to my perspective. In some
people
's minds, modern technologies,
such
 as apps and devices, have brought us together.
Moreover
, the improvements in communication facilities are making us able to communicate with
others
 throughout the world. Needless to say, the growing number of immigrants has made
this
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 of communication more popular.
For instance
, someone who lives in the USA can talk to his family in Japan whenever he needs it, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
indicates the importance of modern communication technologies. On the flip side,
others
 believe the enhancement of
technology
 brings us nothing but separation. Indeed, they argue that nowadays
people
 are spending most of their time on screen which has driven them apart from the real world.
For example
, they think by raising the popularity of video games, more distance among family members is considerable. I firmly believe that modern
technology
 has both ups and downsides which are directly related to our utilization.
Although
 recent technologies can be time-consuming, it should not be forgotten they have made our lives easier.
In addition
, we as a human can choose how to dedicate our time to them,
hence
, we can choose to exploit them as a social distancing or to be in touch with
others
. In conclusion, modern
technology
 can spring up with both benefits and downsides to our relationships, so, it depends on our decisions on how to use them.
Submitted by ali on

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Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement. While you've made a good attempt, refining the thesis to explicitly state your view would strengthen your position.
Task Achievement
While discussing both viewpoints, make sure to provide clear, relevant examples for each. Your examples are good, but more specific details or statistics could enrich your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Phrases that show comparison, contrast, or cause and effect can help your essay flow more naturally.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider variety of sentence structures and more sophisticated vocabulary to express ideas. This will not only make your essay more engaging but also demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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