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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts give information about visitors to the US from different countries from 1988 to 1992.

The pie charts give information about visitors to the US from different countries from 1988 to 1992.
The graph demonstrates
statisteic
Correct your spelling
statistic
statistics
 about the division of US
visitors
Use synonyms
 by country of origin, for three timesteps. It is evident from the data that
flow
Correct article usage
the flow
show examples
 of tourists from other countries rather than Mexico, China,
Canada
Correct word choice
and Canada
show examples
 rapidly increased,
while
Linking Words
canadians
Change the capitalization
Canadians
show examples
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 less interested in visiting
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
 it is noticeable that in 1988
visitors
Use synonyms
 flow consisted
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
canadians
Change the capitalization
Canadians
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
canadian
Change the capitalization
Canadian
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 decreased and
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1992 reached the point
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The biggest decline was in
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 from 1990-1992 at that time number of canadian who visited
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 decreased
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 10
percent
Use synonyms
Also
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
a resonable
show examples
resonable
Correct your spelling
reasonable
 part in a quarter was taken by
mexican
Change the capitalization
Mexican
show examples
 citizens in 1988.
Still
Add a comma
Still,
show examples
 they stopped visiting in a short period around 1990 and continued in 1992 1990 witnessed a huge jump in
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 from other countries,
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 increased
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost three times and even
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased by 12
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 by 1992.
While
Linking Words
 other
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
 citizens
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 visiting
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
chinese
Change the capitalization
Chinese
show examples
 who
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
intersed
Correct your spelling
interested
interned
 in
Americs
Correct your spelling
America
 had
deacreased
Correct your spelling
decreased
 from 12
percent
Use synonyms
 to 4 by 1992.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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